Showing posts from 2008

Not the post I was going to write.

Yep, this is not the post I was going to write. I was going to write a post titled "A Year in the Life of a Blogger" and in fact I had already started it when Whoopsy! - I lost it. I've no idea how but no amount of making gentle cooing noises to my PC, offering to soothe it's weary keypad with my silky feather duster and tickle its lead with my negligee would entice it to bring back my post.

Naturally, I tried my other tactic which I learnt from watching Columbo..... sneaking around the PC in a dirty old mac, casually asking routine questions whilst admiring the curtains and then just as I am about to exit the room, turning around and pointedly remarking;

" And where were you 12 hours ago when the text mysteriously disappeared? And don't give me that line about being in the john... and I don't care if you are wireless you still can't make it there on your own....."

But oh no, my PC still wouldn't talk. Even when I angled my lamp, got out my twe…

Music Mondays; Memories of Yesterday

As this year draws to a close it has marked some personal highs and lows, the nadir being the unexpected death of my mother back in October.

It’s quite bizarre how sometimes you’re going about your daily business and then suddenly the enormity of having lost someone you love hits you. Memories once blurred become very vivid; sights, sounds and even smells come flooding back, swamping you in a current of unrestrained emotions.

Music has many associations for me and sometimes particular songs have stayed with me for….for as long as I can remember….

Years before my family had a record player my parents used to play cassettes on a radio/cassette recorder in the kitchen. We had a wonderful country garden and my father used to sit looking out of the kitchen window at the wildlife, the shrubs and flowers and the surrounding woods. I often wondered what he was thinking about for hours on end. Although he could be very funny and sociable at times he was also quite a quiet, introspective man who h…

At last I get to dance with Pierce and Daniel....Yeee Haaaaa!!

Well unfortunately this application looks a bit temperamental.. as it keeps going wonky! Just as I was enjoying dancing with the lovely Pierce. Oh well, better get the blow up doll out again. (Strictly for dancing with of course.)

At last I get to dance with Pierce and Daniel! (And believe me - inside I am really smiling! Ho, ho, ho)

Nooooooo! What happened? Damn this technology! Just as I'm getting into the groove with Pierce and Daniel the IT things packs up. How outrageous! I shall to try again and save it on disc. So I keep it for posterity! (And very possible dribbling!)

Test your sobriety with Mrs T

Yes, yes okay. I was going to write something slushy and sentimental but then I thought what people need is actually something practical to get you through Christmas. Now, regrettably, I can't offer any cooking tips (For obvious reasons) so here's a test for your sobriety. So if you're thinking of getting in the car, dancing on the table or murdering your mother in law you need to complete the following test. If you fail you need to take 2 Anadins and go to bed.

I should warn you this test is not for the feint hearted so if you have a pacemaker or are of a nervous disposition read my Christmas Socks poem instead.

By the way, when you get to the end of each level release your mouse and then quickly press down again to take you onto the next level.

play flash games

Right, off to bed with you! And if you're wondering if that was me. Fortunately, it's not. I'm far better looking, although I have to say there is a vague similarity after a night on the tiles.....

Merry Ch…

Music Mondays; The Land of Make Believe

I love Christmas. It should be full of love, laughter and happiness, irrespective of religious beliefs. For children too, it's also a wonderful, magical time of believing in a Land of Make Believe.

I think it's so important for children to develop an imagination and enjoy the world of Santa, elves, giants, witches and a host of other fairytale characters. Having the capacity to imagine is what sets us apart from other mammals, to create, to develop, to inspire is a human gift and I believe we should encourage our children to develop their sense of imagination because reality, unfortunately, comes all too soon.

I loved reading stories like The Princess and the Pea, Rapunzel and of course the more popular stories like Snow White and Cinderella as a child and in turn I loved reading them to my boys. Everyone loves a fairytale, be it Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Shrek and there's no better story than when good triumphs over evil.

There's so much to be enjoyed about Christm…

Christmas Socks

Christmas comes but once a year
Hurrah for that ’cos it’s very dear
So raise your glasses, hoist your frocks
Be prepared for those Christmas socks

Open your prezzies, empty your stocking
Whose gift is best for ritual mocking?
Is it the pants or is it the clock?
No, it’s those awful Christmas socks.

Boil your sprouts and eat those tarts
Get outta the way before hubby farts
Baste your turkeys, drink your hocks
Parade those hideous Christmas socks

Pull the crackers, tell some jokes
Those silly rhymes will make you choke
Fry the leftovers in a wok
A new ingredient is… a Christmas sock

Granny cries, “What’s this in my bubble and squeak?”
Mummy lies, “Just a new a new kind of Christmas leek!”
Granny goes into anaphylactic shock
At the pungent smell of the Christmas Sock.

Granny coughs and drops down dead
And now you can retire to bed
For never again will you have to put
A Christmas sock upon your foot.

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

(My excuse is that I was under the influence of drink - that hot chocolate does crazy t…

Flowers and silly stuff

I'm warning you all now - this post may be silly in places and a tad long. Sorry about that.

Anyhow, a few weeks back when I was feeling a little blue an email popped up from Go! Smell the Flowers! It was an award for my (rather dubious) musings which really cheered me up when I needed a big Thank You to all the team at over at the Flower Shop for the vote of confidence. But that's not all...because a few days later a video link appeared for You Tube for a Flower Smeller film where just for a second my silly jester icon pops up! Here it is below; see if you can spot me!

Well I really enjoyed that little bit of fun! And if you're wondering what the song was, it's the latest release from Girls Aloud, winners of Pop Stars; The Rivals (which preceded X factor) a few years back. Girls Aloud seem to be going from to strength to strength. I believe it could be something to do with Gary buying all their records in bulk! Anyway, I was a bit cruel to Gary posting that chic…

Music Mondays; A woman in Love

When I first saw the Music Monday link I thought it would be a rather nice opportunity to not only play some of my favourite songs but also take a little meander back through the years and remind myself of some of the singers and songs that have marked some stage of my life.

The first record I remember owning was a compilation "floppy" 45 inch record that came free with a weekend newspaper. It was the by the group with the royal connection; The Three Degrees. If you don't live in the UK you may not know that it has been been well reported that Prince Charles had a huge crush on Sheila Ferguson, the lead singer, and when you see her in the video you'll see just why!

I used to play the disc on a small record player passed on from a colleague of my father. The disc had three songs on it. "When Will I See You Again" which is probably their most well remembered track was one of the songs but I can't remember for sure what the other two were. Anyhow, it was pre…

A hot chick for Gary

Yeah, I 've been having some trouble with the cousin of Bob The Builder, Gary the Geezer Davison, the author of Fat Tuesday. He's been trying to get into a verbal fight with Mrs T over that political correctness post of mine. But now he's realised the error of his ways and aplologised by posting a nice piccy of Pierce Brosnan for me on his site.
So all is forgiven! Yep, and since I know Gary fancies young ladies like Danni and Kylie Minogue and the beautiful Cheryl Cole I've promised I'd post a piccy of a real hot chick for him 'cos that's just the way I am. Generous from the bottom of my soul!
So just for you Gary.... One Hot Chick! Enjoy!

I'm guessing you like sprouts Gary! Ho, ho.

The Snowing and Greening of Thomas Passmore

I was first introduced to The Snowing and Greening of Thomas Passmore over at The View From Here literary magazine where I read Mike French’s interview with Paul whom I’m sure as most of my regular readers will know, I now refer to as PB. Now Paul’s interview was pretty sensible but as you are probably aware he often indulges with me in a little bit of British silliness but don’t be fooled Paul’s book is not silly in any way; it is a wonderful piece of literature…..

Thomas Passmore is a family man who has emigrated to Australia in the search of a better life. But his roots are in the England; the England of his childhood and of his ancestors. As his mother lies dying, Thomas travels home but his journey is not just one of duty but also of reconciliation because Thomas’ past is an unclosed chapter in his life; it is strewn with emotional debris. His father’s suicide, the death of his childhood friend and the loss of his first love have followed him to foreign shores but now Thomas must…

The Scottish Play, political correctness and the death of comedy

Gosh, I've just realised that I did something very naughty in my post The Day of Reckoning; I mentioned The Scottish Play by its proper name. Oh dear, now I will be cursed with even more bad luck! Perhaps I should explain - just in case you don't know - but in the thespian world to mention The Scottish Play means doom and gloom and certain disaster - actors drying up, breaking legs and falling off the stage. The production is cursed!

The Scottish Play is, of course, the play by William Shakespeare How can I say it? .....If you shortened the name Macdonald or their well know product you'd have the first half of the name and if you thought of a nickname for Elizabeth you'd have the other half.....

Hmm... that was challenging eh?

There are a number of theories as to the origins of the curse but I think the most interesting (although probably the least likely) is that Shakespeare stole some of the lines of the play by observing a witches coven and later wh…

Music Mondays; Musical Inspiration

Personally I find music of all types inspiring; it has the ability to alter or lift my moods or indeed intensify them. Unfortunately, I've never been that much of a musician and I've a voice any sensible dog would howl to - so I'm always in admiration of those that create beautiful and uplifting music whether it is vocally, lyrically or instrumentally. Wouldn't it be fantastic to be one of those people who sit down at a piano and just play? No wonder Christie Brinkley fell for Billy Joel. Hey, I'd fall for Barry Manilow if he wrote a song for me!

Hmm...on second thoughts...maybe not. Well okay,maybe I'd have to be pretty tipsy.

(And very possibly blind.)

At my Book Club we often play music in the background that we feel adds to the flavour of the book just for a little added extra. So as we were due to discuss my friend and fellow blogger Paul Burman's book The Snowing and Greening of Thomas Passmore I asked him what we should use and he sent the link to the v…

Book Review; Fat Tuesday by Gary Davison

I was taken by surprise by Fat Tuesday by Gary Davison. I’d also like to be taken by surprise by Pierce Brosnan but no such luck. (Stop thinking what you’re thinking Gary – I meant taken out to dinner.)
Whoops veered off there… back to Gary’s book…Anyway why was I taken by surprise I hear you ask?
Well…. Firstly, I’d read Paul Burman’s interview with Gary at The View From Here and found Gary quite an interesting character so I started reading his blog. Gary comes from the North of England (I know it’s terrible but someone’s got to) and runs his own construction business and from what I’ve read Gary both works and plays hard. He’s a bit of a tough cookie but with a soft centre. He also gets blind drunk, gambles and spends nights in shopping trolleys trying to work out the plot for his next novel whilst consuming large bars of Galaxies. Again, shameful, but someone’s got to do it just so England can keep up the reputation of producing geniuses pushing themselves to the limit to produce m…

The Day of Reckoning (TDOR)

Yes, the day that I dread all year has arrived; The Day of Reckoning. For those of you who haven’t read my latest BBC article I must clarify that TDOR is the day when you receive notification of what role your child has been allocated in the Christmas nativity.

Sadly, Master Sam and Master Jacob have never had a starring role in the nativity or indeed any school play so Master Benedict is my last chance at being the mother of a precocious child star and publishing a book entitled “How to get rich quick on the back of someone else’s talent” - which would be a pity because I could really do with the cash to pay for all that plastic surgery I’m planning. Damn.

However….and I don’t like to boast…. but Master Benedict is as an undiscovered raw talent and at 7 years is at the peak age to play Joseph. Yep, if Master Benedict had landed the role of Joseph it would have been the pinnacle of his career before he moved on to other lesser achievements like Hamlet and Macbeth.

Yes, Master Benedict is…

Dancing with insomnia

Now rumour has it Craig David wrote his latest song Insomnia for me. It's a groovy little number currently getting a lot of airplay in the UK and if I get bored in the night surfing the net or writing I can always have a little jiggle along to it.

By the way I should say out that hot pants like the leading lady is wearing in the video should not be allowed. Obscene! Older gals like me just want to sing along not be shamed into getting out the cellulite scrub.

Yeah, okay Craig didn't write the song for me but a girl can dream can't she?! Oh wait...dreaming is what you do when you sleep..... damn...fooled again.....

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

Bad day, bad week

It's been a pretty tough week. Early on, I made a trip back to Weston to sort some of my mother's possessions and then on the way home I made a detour to clear my parent's grave and plant a small shrub. They were sad, depressing tasks and I felt a little forlorn at the graveside, alone, on bleak winter's afternoon.

And then... just when I needed to cheer myself up, my broadband packed up for nearly three days, my tooth broke and I spent 3 hours in casualty with Master Jacob who had a possible fractured wrist. Chuck in a few burnt teas, a teenage son and not winning The National Lottery AGAIN and you have one well stressed out woman.

However, the good news is;

I didn't crash into any other car! Hurrah!

However, Master Benedict's Tonka Toy collection is now looking a bit worse for wear. And as for Master Jacob's Action Man - he gets up to some right mischief.

(Especially when Barbie is around.)

Okay, let's talk about the other good things that happened!

1) I wr…

Against the clock

Whilst catching up on some of my blogging friends this morning I popped over to Laura's site Delighted Scribbler who is one of my newest blogging friends and what a surprise was in store for me. For Laura has discovered a new application called Write or Die where you can set yourself writing targets against the clock. And if you want to be particularly masochistic you can put it into kamikaze mode whereby if you don't write fast enough your words will disappear before your very eyes!

So this is what I am doing right now! I've set at target of 1500 words in 30 minutes. I've no idea at what speed I normally write; I'm not one for timing and organization I just write what I feel and when I feel like it which probably explains why I haven't finished my book yet! I also find it very easy to be distracted… by virtually anything. Especially anything that is tasty (if you know what I mean!)

My last post was about insomnia; I suffer from it quite a lot so if you've ev…

Ugh, I have insomnia!

Okay we'll get to the loo cleaner in a minute. Perhaps because it's the nearly 3 am nothing will do what I want it to do! Or it could be that I'm stupid!'s where I actually started...

Yes, yes yes. It's 1.55 am and I have insomnia again. Obviously this means I am either a genius or I am nuts.

Somehow I think it's got more to do with being nuts.

Anyhow I am just going to write off the cuff. Tricky in these pyjamas with long baggy sleeves but I'll give it a try.

You know just when I think my insomnia is getting better it gets worse again. Humph. Maybe it something all Mrs Ts share because apparently the really famous Mrs T, Mrs Thatcher, hardly needed any sleep either. Mind you in the early hours she was probably doing something constructive like drafting Laws, writing speeches and grilling a few cabinet members whereas I just switch on my PC and read blogs, oggle pictures of Pierce and scribe letters to Tom Cruise. I usually start my letters to Tom…

Moments in History

Sometimes a man steps forwards from the ranks and brings with him hope, faith and a belief in mankind. His path has been laid since birth. His life has been a long, challenging journey to bring him to this one moment in time; the moment where he will change the future and restore balance to the world. He may have been born in poverty, raised by a substitute mother and faced adversity because of his ancestry but one day he will have such presence, such power, that he will become an unstoppable force for change.

You know exactly who I mean. Don’t you?

Yep, that's right; Luke Skywalker.

Cripes can you believe it? It’s over 30 years since Star Wars hit the screens! I remember queuing up to watch it back in 1977 and I’ve been addicted to it ever since. Yep, I’m one of those losers who can quote Star Wars at the drop of a hat, posess my own Darth Vader mask (Mmm… kinky) and have watched every episode so many times I have a recurrent nightmare where I turn into Jabba the Hutt.

You know they …

Just because I felt like it

I'm in a reflective mood at the moment as most most people are after a bereavement but my thoughts have reminded me of one of my favourite films All of Me starring the very talented Steve Martin. The excerpt below is all about life after death but done in the most entertaining fashion possible. The first time I saw this film and particularly the last 3 minutes or so of this clip I absolutely fell about laughing so stick with the clip till the end- you won't regret it. I'm laughing right now and I've watched it countless times - and if you ever get the chance to watch the film in full I heartily recommend it!

Love letters, car crashes and tanks. (Beat that for diversity.)

While I was sorting through some of my mother’s photos and memorabilia I was delighted to find two love letters from my father written in the early fifties. They were utterly sweet and charming with little drawings scattered amongst the prose and I will always treasure them as a reminder of my parent’s love for each other.

It did lead me to think, regretfully, that I’ve never actually had a love letter from Mr T.

Humph. Big time.

Although to be fair I’ve had some really lovely thoughtful gifts. If you exclude the Sat Nav system … and the printer…..

However, I’m not complaining as the printer has proved exceptionally useful. In fact I’m now pretty skilled at producing counterfeit twenty pound notes, duplicating letters to harasssupermarkets so I get free vouchers for prepackaged meals and scanning copyright piccys of Pierce so I can sell them in the school playground. I’m also planning to use the printer for photocopying my arse for this year’s Christmas cards. That is after I’ve found my …