Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Not the post I was going to write.

Yep, this is not the post I was going to write. I was going to write a post titled "A Year in the Life of a Blogger" and in fact I had already started it when Whoopsy! - I lost it. I've no idea how but no amount of making gentle cooing noises to my PC, offering to soothe it's weary keypad with my silky feather duster and tickle its lead with my negligee would entice it to bring back my post.

Naturally, I tried my other tactic which I learnt from watching Columbo..... sneaking around the PC in a dirty old mac, casually asking routine questions whilst admiring the curtains and then just as I am about to exit the room, turning around and pointedly remarking;

" And where were you 12 hours ago when the text mysteriously disappeared? And don't give me that line about being in the john... and I don't care if you are wireless you still can't make it there on your own....."

But oh no, my PC still wouldn't talk. Even when I angled my lamp, got out my tweezers and said;

"I have vays of making you talk. You vill tell me where ze text is or you vill be punished!"

Nope, nothing worked. Not even smothering my PC in my granny knickers till it overheated.

Humph. My dastardedly PC knows how to hold out under really serious torture. So I did what any normal woman does in these circumstances; I got out my frying pan.

I've now renamed Percy the PC to Limpy the Laptop.

Anyway, the mystery still isn't solved. So here's an abbreviated version of my missing post;

On the 27th December I completed one year's blogging. Hurrah!

This amazing statement was then followed by a recount of various events during the year including;

1. Crashing my volvo, crashing my cmax and oh yes crashing my cmax again.

2. Eating too much chocolate, burning too many teas and doing as little cleaning as possible whilst perpetually covering Mr T's glasses in a thin layer of goose fat.

3. Offering my arse to the Swiss government should they need assitance in filling in any black holes caused by the Hadron Collider.

4. Booking tickets to Tom Cruise's forthcoming release Honey, I shrunk Myself.

5. Being somewhat amused that American presidents' secret service codenames are public knowledge on Wikipedia. Being even more amused that Ronald Reagan's codename was"Rawhide."

6. Sending a text to the FBI saying Excellent piece of subterfuge; no one will think of looking on Wikipedia for codenames. I recommend you give the Director of the FBI the secret codename "Jackass."

7. Donning my bullet proof vest and hiding out under the hyacinth bush.

8. Discovering something horrid in my bed;

Yes, those little b..b...b.. boys. However, whilst discovering the naughty young masters were responsible for this fiendish crime and duly locking them in The Turley Dungeon I was also mightily relieved this was not a plot by the FBI to dispose of Mrs T. (Then I came to my senses and realised that such a scheme would have been far to cunning.)

9. Being hugely disappointed that Master Sy already had the Tee shirt I planned to get him for Christmas but then I found this;

Perrrrfect! I bought an XXL as Master Sy tells me he is a little on the porky side at the moment. But he tells me it fitted perfectly - around his ankle.

10. Making some very good friends all around the world.

So a Happy New Year to all my friends and readers across the world! May 2009 bring you all peace, joy and happiness and maybe someday soon our world will become a far better place.



  1. Jane, I am going to eat one chicken nugget each minute until 2009. It is now just after 6:00 PM .... it's going to be a long night.

  2. lol Jane
    a very funny post!!
    Happy New Year :))

  3. Well it must be nearly midnight over there you must be ready to burst Speedy! I hope this is a sponsored explosion?!

    Hello Kim, Thanks for dropping by and welcome to my blog. A Happy New Year to you too! I'm glad you enjoyed the post; the first one was reflective then it got lost so I took as a sign from the heavens that I should indulge in my usual drivel!

  4. Beautiful recap, especially for those who stopped by your blog way late in the year (like myself).

  5. Oh yeah, but I have the sexiest ankle ever now!! Of course...as you know, you can see me in it on Facebook...something the other naughty interneteer's can't!

    Now I feel I should post a pic of my ankle...

  6. Great way to end the year! Congrats! And a Happy New Year to you as well. Just think, I knew you when you were a picture of a toilet seat! And I still adore you. Have a wonderful 2009!

  7. Regarding (3), you are just being silly. No way is your arse big enough! Anyway, don't black holes sort of stre-e-e-tch you and make you longer (and thinner?!) before they gobble you up? That's it! The After Christmas Black Hole Diet Plan Book! Now who's being extremely silly?

    I read recently that some boffins/loonies in California are going to solve the world's energy problems by ... er, creating a sun in the lab. Don't they know the sun is just a big bomb? Jane, we may have to travel to this lab. with our frying pans and bop these boffins on the head before they do serious damage!

  8. Hello Georgie!

    Thank you! Fortunately, I decided not to do a full recap. But I have decided to have a little text in the right hand column some point soon with some of my own favourite blog posts of of 2008. You may enjoy the read (or you may not!)


    And a Happy New Year to you! Glad you enjoyed the email; I can't resist a little bit of silliness!

    Mmm...Master Sy, I just love ankles!They do crazy things to me; I'm off to check 'em out!

    Mr I,

    You gotta admit I had a flush like no other; just one hot loo seat! Hmm.. and you are just one swell looking big guy with those crazy Mogawli - style pants!

    Mrs B,

    I will keep you on my Christmas prezzie list for that kind remark about my derriere! You are skilled in the art of...lying!

    I really believe you are onto something with that diet plan!Let's put a book together for next Christmas and see if we can flog it to some delusional, diet obsessed middle aged women....shouldn't be too difficult!

    Re; the Californian scientists; I have ordered a Le Cruset saucepan.

  9. Congrats on your blogging anniversary!!!! You old Pro, you...;o)

    Yes, but Mrs. T....were they pink granny knickers??? Aha!!!

    Happy New Year! 2009 is going to quite a year! I can just feel it.

  10. Jane,don't ya just love da wayda 'puter can undermine and even discard your hard put preternatural yet prophetic pre- suppositions of prescient,possibly paranormal platitudes of things to come in the near ,nearest or possibly never new year or your randy yet relevant recollections of reconnoiters in the year past?
    Pisses one off me thinks.Damn the wires and lights and the like.

    Congratulations on 'keeping it up' for the year past... I'm looking forward to the next year
    of Mrs. T!!!


    s 'cuse please explain this post
    to me when you have the chance..

    I've confused myself even!

  11. Aha one year already ?? It seems just like yesterday that you swanned into my life with your granny knickers , Pierce Brosnan and chocolate ! i am looking forward to the treats this year is going to bring .

  12. Tamera,

    Thanks for sticking with me through the thick and thin of my first year of blogging; I hope it won't be the last!

    I'd like to say they were the pink granny knickers but considering the circumstances I opted for the taupe shaded ones!

    I certainly hope 2009 is going to be a better year for us all - cos boy, does the world need it.

  13. Eddie,

    You've been on the booze again haven't you?!

    I think that explains it very nicely.....

    Yes, damn those lights and wires and button thingies. How's a Housewife Extraordinaire supposed to work out such cunning technical thingy- me- jigs?!

  14. Mrs G,

    Mmm..the word "treat" is good.... reminds me of chocolates! Ahh..the year has passed too quick Mrs G there is so much that Mrs T has yet to write about! Pull down your visor and put on the ear muffs....

  15. Loved this post, Mrs T. Very witty, especially Tom Cruise being shrunk. Pitty they couldn't shrink that irritating smile of his. Happy new year!

  16. Hi Gary,

    Yes, it's a pity about that smile isn't it? But I can't help liking the poor little pixie. Such a cute guy; I expect I could fit him in my pocket!


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