Showing posts from July, 2014

Word Crimes and Fashion Crimes

The musical parody of Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines by Al Yankovic is a fun reminder to us all about the value of literacy. I've no objection to people cutting corners with their grammar on social media - but I do think it's important they know how to use it correctly in the first place. I'm starting to get the hang of text-speak myself - if I'm pressed for time I occasionally substitute "u" for "you" and sometimes I substitute "No way!" for anything which would normally be a 5 page rant.  I'm also  trying to brush-up my vocab by working my way through Mr Blobby's Guide to the ABC. I am up to the letter F. Which is handy as I find f-words invaluable.

You see I like to keep up with the times. I know you lot think I'm an old stick-in-the-mud but I'm actually a forward-thinking and liberal person. Some might say I'm even fashion-concious and trendy. In fact I recently bought some trendy black leggings. Although I had to…

It's that time of year

Yep, it's that time of year when I double my intake of painkillers - the school holidays. So that means I am not around so much merely because every time I settle down to do some writing I get a request for food.

You see the problem with teenage sons is they never stop eating. It's okay for you parents of girls because they are almost always watching their weight but try adopting three sons and then you'll know real misery. As soon as I've washed up from one meal and sat down with a coffee a Young Master appears from nowhere with one of the three following questions:

"Have we got anything to eat?"

 "What's for tea/lunch/breakfast?"

 "Have you been shopping yet?"

Now since I like to look on the bright side of things, I am consoling myself that Young Sam is still away at college completing his MA so my food-making capacity only needs to be a two-thirds output. However, the bad news is the two younger masters are both very sporty and can …

Day Five of The Five Day Positive Thinking Challenge

And so it's time for my last five positive thoughts:

1. I am really hoping that some of you folks out there will rise to the challenge of setting me some new topics to write about on my blog. It can be ANY topic you like - except religion. Even I don't go there - it's too easy to upset folks. Which I probably do anyway but it's only the zealots who want to burn you at the stake that you have to worry about. And I'm still too young to be roasted. (Just.)

2. I am hoping if I get some good topics and I write some entertaining posts, I'll include them in my next book. So please leave a comment or email me via my contact page if you have a topic you'd like me to get my tongue around.

3. This is the cover to my next book - coming later in the year. I like it. It makes me feel slim. It's not an entirely accurate picture of me obviously but reasonablyrepresentative.

4. I got my paperback delivery yesterday and my bookmarks. This means I can now flog my books ou…

Day Four of The Five Day Positive Thinking Challenge

It's a quickie again. Five positive thoughts:

No 1. Tomorrow I am pretty sure I am going to be less tired.
No 2. Tomorrow the sun will be shining.
No 3 . Tomorrow I will going swimming.
No 4. Tomorrow I will make a salad. (Hopefully)
No 5  Tomorrow I will not drive into a concrete block.

And yes I didn't see it.

Day Three of the Positive Thinking Challenge - On Football

Wow, I'm on my third post in three days.

Okay before I go any further, I just need to inform you that I had a really, really bad bout of insomnia last night. I've only have had 90 mins of sleep so I'm like the walking dead and I may crash out at any moment. If you hear about a woman found sleeping in Tesco's meat aisle on the six o'clock news - that'll be me.

Yep, so if this post is full of typos and gibberish and is even more incoherent than the norm you'll just have to forgive me and put it down to sleep deprivation. I'm going to deliberately follow that laborious method that drunks use when there try to convince everyone they're not drunk (talking and walking really slowly to try and prove they're still capable) by methodically studying each word before I press "publish". However, since this doesn't usually work as a normal method for me - please accept that this post might be a complete balls-up anyway.

So five positive thought…

Day Two of The Five Day Positive Thinking Challenge

Oh blimey - it's nearly 4 pm and I've only just remembered today's positive thinking challenge. Okay I'm going to have to think quickly as I'm off out to an evening of cricket at 5.15 and I haven't even started tea yet.

So here goes:

1. If it rains - the cricket match will be cancelled.

2. It's not a test match.

3. I might get a free tea if I sweep the floor after drinks.

4. It also might be men's training night.  Which is slightly more interesting than U13 cricket. Just sayin'.

5. With any luck some of the men might ask me to shine their balls.

The Five Day Positive Thought Challenge (and other stuff)

I have been challenged by an old school friend, Jacqui Crowe, via Facebook, to come up with five positive thoughts for five days. That's pretty tough going even for the eternal optimistic like me but I am going to try my best. Now just for a bit of background information, Jacqui and I went to a state school and were in many of the same classes and played in the school hockey team together.  Our hockey team put the fear of God in those posh girls from the private schools. They were no match for us because girls who have survived the terror of state school toilets have NO fear. We were hard, ruthless and, even though some of us had furry pencil cases, we had a reputation as being near invincible. Think Britney Spears in her gym-slip with with a flame-thrower and a bazooka and you're just about there. We didn't have mouth-guards, shin-guards and most of us didn't even even have hockey boots but we still got stuck into the opposition in Rambo-like fashion. Anyhow, needless…

Thoughts on Football and Depressed Writers (again)

They're couldn't be a worse final for a British person to watch - Germany V Argentina.

Two countries we have been at war with. Who the hell I am going to support? I suppose it's going to come down to whether I prefer German frankfurters or Argentinian beef.

Decisions. Decisions. Hmm. Tricky.

Pity the Dutch didn't get through last night. I like tulips. I could have waved tulips and worn my Crocs and given the evening a Dutch feel to it. We do that at my book club. Luckily, the themes usually revolve around stories set in Italy, France, Spain and Australia -countries where they just so happen to have a good selection of wines. How lucky is that? Occasionally, we read a book from the UK though but then we have to drink tea so we don't do that too much. Sometimes we read a book from the US and then we dispense with the wine and move straight to the milkshakes.

I'm trying to remember what we are supposed to be reading this month. It's on Friday so I better think…

It's cheaper than a cup of coffee, lasts a lot longer and has a much sweeter taste - my début novel, The Changing Room

Today, after over two years work, I am launching my début novel,The Changing Room,ABritish Comedy of Love, Loss and Laughterwhich is now available as aneBookand in paperback on Amazon.
The Blurb

"Today, I am in the changing room of my life and tomorrow, win or lose, I'll move forward a stronger and wiser woman."

Sandy Lovett's confused mother and chaotic life are having an effect on her waistline. She knows she needs to change her life but doesn't know how until she buys a risqué dress which sets in motion a sequence of life-changing events.
After years as a mother, carer and full-time employee, Sandy quits her job and places her mother in a care home, and life seems on the up. But disaster is never far away for the hapless Sandy as her mother’s obsessions continue to wreak havoc and her husband’s business begins to fail. Short of cash and needing a flexible job, Sandy joins a sex-chat service. At The Beaver Club Sandy discovers a talent for selling telephone sex -…