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Showing posts from March, 2009

Fed Up.

Yep, I'm fed up.

There are some pretty odd people out there in this world and in the last few days I've found my blog title unsubtly cribbed, a blog titled and devoted to me ( although fortunately no posts, because heaven knows what exactly the author was anticipating) and lastly one of my posts copied and stuck on an offensive soft porn site.

Here are the links to the two posts;

http://wayward-wifes.blogspot.com/2009/02/read-jane-turley.html

http://newspaperadsduq.blogspot.com/2009/02/showing-pussy-on-woman-witty-ways-of.html

I guess if you put yourself in the public domain you can expect feedback which might be even in a negative fashion. I've no real problem with that although it is one of the reasons I steer away from controversial subjects like religion and politics as I had no wish for my site to go down that avenue. However, in both these cases I think the authors have overstepped the mark of good taste.

I am constantly hearing that blogging isn't "The Real World…

EARTH HOUR, MARCH 28 2009

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Yes, the day is here, March 28th 2009. The day when ordinary people like you and I have a chance to show others less concerned or unaware of global warming how we care about our beautiful, wonderous world, the many species that inhabit it and how the time has come to preserve it for future generations.

For over 30 years, politicians have talked, argued and theorized about climate change but the truth is very little has been done to make the real and effective changes required to stem the tide of global warming.

In democracies we elected people who we thought would act in our best interests but, more often than not, those interests were submerged under a blanket of short term political and economic demands. In dictatorships the word of leaders was, and is, law; the voices of people suppressed by the will of those who govern.

But I ask you - what needs, wants, demands are more important than the survival of the human race?

Are we, the people, as guilty as our leaders? Perhaps not, but the l…

Voice Recognition Programmes II (Judgement Day)

Yes, yes I keep wasting even more time on that silly voice recognition programme! It was supposed to save me time not make me fart around all day trying to make it write "bullshit" - a task at which so far I have failed miserably.

Oh well, I might as well have another go - yes I can even type here - straight onto Blogger! Isn't that great? If it had ANY idea what I was saying...

Okay, here goes;

I am trying to save the word portion it, I am trying to say the word portion it, I am trying to say the word portion it, I'm trying to say the word portion it, I'm trying to save the world sheet, I am trying to say the word the sheets, I am trying to say the word portion it, I am trying to say the word portion it, I am trying to say the word Associates, I am trying to say the word portion it, I am trying to say the word report she.

What happened to Bolsheviks? That's what I want to know! Hmm...this morning I retrained the system back to "normal speech" from m…

Voice Recognition Programmes

I did a mad, mad thing. I fell for all that blurb on Amazon about voice recognition programmes. Yes, I fantasized about doubling, perhaps even quadrupling my writing output - dictating as I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the floor and even as I worked out on my Wii. Not only would I finish my book in a matter of weeks I would soon be working on a sequel to War and Peace.

So, having read all the customer reviews, I made a decision - I decided all the negative reviews were from people who hadn't set the programme up properly and hadn't gone through all the voice recognition tutorials. Yes, I decided that with my English accent and clear pronunciation I would be exempt from the troubles of mere amateurs.

I was completely wrong. I followed everything to the letter; I even did the advanced speech recognition programme...and yet the bloody thing is utterly, utterly hopeless.

As evidence of this I am posting my first attempt which was an email to Gary Davison. (The words in italics ar…

The Wrong Executive Decision

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Have you ever made the wrong executive decision? I have. In fact I made one last Friday.

Let me explain. Well, I had a one of those annoying weeks where I just didn't get anything done so by Friday I was feeling a little down in the dumps but, nevertheless, I'd made plans to write in the morning and then go swimming in the afternoon. As lunchtime approached I was even thinking about removing all my excess body hair - cos you know it's just not acceptable for us ladies to have even a whisker of body hair in a pool - although it's perfectly acceptable for men to flaunt their body hair even if they look like an extra from The Planet of The Apes.

I don't want to lower the tone of the conversation - but there's something really unpleasant about getting a hair in your mouth in the pool isn't there? Ugh! I mean - you don't really know from whom - or even more importantly - from where it has come. On balance, I think it's worse than getting a hair in your m…

Chocolate Wars!

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Every once in a while this dear sweet island nation erupts into furious debate. You may remember that this happened last year when tempers frayed, damning letters were written to national newspapers and news broadcasts were devoted to a matter of national importance - the state of British underpants. If you don’t recall it, you can read my post about this delicate, intimate matter here.

But now, a more terrifying, a more sinister and even more horrifying debate has arisen. Yes, I know Peter Mandelson, aka “The Prince of Darkness” has returned to government but it’s something far more dreadful than even the return of The Beast. It’s something that will bring voters out onto the streets, geriatrics out of their electric wheelchairs and babies out of their buggies!

By the by, have you noticed how old biddies in electric wheel chairs excel at knee crushing and leg crumpling? What's more, watch out for 2lbs of sausages and a tube of denture fix-it cream clouting you in the face at 30mph.…

Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster

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I'm a bit late on my music Monday post because I'm part Irish and I thought it was Monday today when it is in fact Tuesday, March 17th, St Patrick's Day!

Of course my surname, Turley, which I acquired from the good Mr T is Irish. However, my maiden name is perhaps even more commonly known as Irish. Have a guess! Here's a clue; pick a fight with a Jack and then make peace with him and you'll get the answer. A prize of a Mrs T culinary delight, personally cooked, for the first person to guess correctly. Or if that is unappealing (though I'm sure all would be delighted at the thought of such a scrumptious meal) I will write a post on any subject matter of your choice! Wow, that's got to be a quality prize!

Well, since it's St Patrick's Day I feel we should have something with an Irish flavour so I've opted for the lovely Ronan Keating and Life is a Rollercoaster. Of course, Irish history has been a rollercoaster for centuaries but since the ceasefire…

EARTH HOUR 2009 ; GLOBAL WARNING LAST CHANCE FOR CHANGE

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The 28th March 2009 is Earth Hour Day where across the world at 8.30pm local time cities, towns, villages and individuals will be turning off their lights as a demonstration of their concern about global warming.

Some of you may recall that last year I reviewed a book on my blog called Global Warning; LastChance for Change by Paul Brown, former environmental correspondent with The Guardian newspaper. You can read my full review of Global Warning HERE. Paul's book is singularly probably the most important book I have ever read. In outlines a future that through ignorance and greed mankind will bring about irreversible, runaway climate change which will be catastrophic for for our survival.




According to Paul's book scientists believe that a 2 degrees rise in temperature will be the tipping point for runaway climate change and their best calculations, taking into account that it takes approximately 25- 30 years for CO2 emissions to reach their full effect is that earth temperatures…

I AM A FRAUD!

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Yes, I have finally been caught out. You see last week Paul Burman started a desk meme and showed the world a picture of his writing space and it was wonderful - a lovely room, a beautiful view and even a desk he made himself. Mmm - I love a man with creative hands and a creative mind! Luckily for Paul he lives in Australia otherwise I might have popped over and asked him to rebuild my kitchen worktops. (Ahem.)
Yes, well the reason I've been caught out is that Paul said he had been inspired by my post A Book Tag Which Went Disastrously Wrong where I'd posted a picture of my desk. Shocked by this news, in a moment of rare (?) foolishness and down right stupidity I sent Paul a picture of my desk as it was at the very moment I read his blog.
Well as you can imagine, the truth was a little messier. Okay, so here's the original picture of my desk (taken in soft focus!)
Oh how neat and tidy! And thoroughly charming!

Umm...now before I show you the other picture I would like to say …

I'm not saying I was worried but.......

Okay, I'm not saying I was worried but for a moment this morning I thought someone was going to drive into me!

Well I was waiting to pull out at a rather tricky junction. The oncoming traffic on my right is usually moving at about 40/50mph and slowing rapidly down into a 30mph zone just before traffic lights and the traffic from left is speeding up to move into 50 mph zone. In the middle of the road is the turning lane where the traffic can turn into the road where I am waiting to pull out. The situation is very dangerous for me because I can never see the traffic coming from my left because of there is always a long queue at the traffic lights for the cars on my right.

Hmm... comprehendez? Not sure if I do......

Anyway, the only way to get out unless you want to sit there all day is to edge out slowly craning your neck and hope that no one wants to turn right that you haven't spotted over the roof tops of the queuing cars. (If you're very lucky some kind soul in the traffic…

Music Mondays; A fishy tune!

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I recently wrote a short murderous tale entitled The fisherman, his rod, his wife and hersandwichwhich you can find at The View From Here. Whilst putting pen to paper I was reminded of the classic song Gone Fishingby the legendary Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong. The song has such a lazy relaxing feel that is just glorious - perfect for a day out by the river! That easy listening sound that was the signature style of both Bing and Louis and has proved timeless. You just can't beat the old guys!

Relax and enjoy!



Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.





Happy Birthday to Master Sy!

Yes, today it is the birthday of my blog buddy Master Sy of the incredibly funny The Wheel is Turning but the Hamster is Dead. So birthday greetings to the Young Master of Comedy! Long may he continue pleasing the multitudes and dining out on greasy hamburgers at that odious work canteen he frequents!

But you know I can't believe Sy is only 34 today because with the amount of sexual problems he encounters over at his blog I thought he was at least 90. Well either that or something got trapped in a door when he was a very small boy. Hell, who knows but all that gibberish he writes sure makes me laugh!

Well seeing that it's his birthday I thought I might play one of his favourite tunes. He's rather fond of Megadeth. Unfortunately, out of principle I won't play such horrendous stuff on my site. So tough luck Sy. Hmm... what about a bit of cute Kylie or sexy Christina or maybe the lovely Girls Aloud or even the latest hot totties The Saturdays?? Hmm... no better not.... Sy m…

A Writing Challenge

Well today I'm going to be occupied doing a writing challenge with the author Gary Davison who wrote that stupendous book Fat Tuesday which if you really haven't bought yet you should be ashamed of yourself. (He pays well. What more can I say?)

Well, I'll fill you in on that in a minute but first of all I just wanted to write a quickie post just to gloat. Yes, I've been looking at my profile details and doing a little fiddling lately and I've noticed that on the occupation section of Blogger Profile I AM THE ONLY ONE LISTED UNDER MY CAREER. Yes, while there are numerous clerks, nurses, teachers, etc etc...I am the only one listed as "Pretending to Housework Badly"

You see I am unique! However, I am finding it a little hard to believe that I am the only woman who has this job. I therefore urge all you ladies across the world to join me in this noble and rewarding career! It is the only career besides being a brain surgeon and a male gigolo worth pursuing! Yo…

Music Mondays; Erase your Imagination!

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The Eighties were great weren't they? Not only was the music diverse but it was matched by some equally diverse fashion. When we look back we tend to think of this of the era of New Romantics but there was so much more! The dress sense of the big time New Romantic bands like Spandau Ballet and Duran Duran looked positively tame in comparison to some artists. Even the pantomime antics of Adam Ant and Boy George looked dull compared to The Big Two.

Hmm... so if The Big Two are not Boy George and Adam Ant who am I talking about??

Remember electronic pop? Then how could you forget the totally outrageous Andy Bell of Erasure? Let's have a look at him in one of his relatively tame outfits! Take a deep breath boys!



Hmmm.... Groovy!

But what about that other God of sexy stage fashion? Who can I mean? Why none other than Leee John. Yes, this man oozed pure sex with his slinky tights and glittering sequins; he was the King of Eighties soul! His costumes, sometimes with bulging codpieces, an…