I did a mad, mad thing. I fell for all that blurb on Amazon about voice recognition programmes. Yes, I fantasized about doubling, perhaps even quadrupling my writing output - dictating as I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the floor and even as I worked out on my Wii. Not only would I finish my book in a matter of weeks I would soon be working on a sequel to War and Peace.
So, having read all the customer reviews, I made a decision - I decided all the negative reviews were from people who hadn't set the programme up properly and hadn't gone through all the voice recognition tutorials. Yes, I decided that with my English accent and clear pronunciation I would be exempt from the troubles of mere amateurs.
I was completely wrong. I followed everything to the letter; I even did the advanced speech recognition programme...and yet the bloody thing is utterly, utterly hopeless.
As evidence of this I am posting my first attempt which was an email to Gary Davison. (The words in italics are the words I added afterwards so he might get a vague idea of what I was actually talking about.) I ought to point out that a serious amount of expletives were used in the making of the email...and believe me there were many, many more that you simply won't realise from the rather confusing text. In fact, at one point I was actually trying to say "cow dung" in an attempt to make Gary understand what "Bolsheviks" meant. "Cow dung" turned out to be "Carol" and "him." Bolsheviks also means the same as "proof sheets."
Okay, so here we go;
Good afternoon Gary,you'll never believe what I'm doing here! RA's just set my computer to do one of these the police recognition programs serve you probably tend to get a few words that it completely wrong. Yes I can see quite a few narrow which are already wrong. I think it's going to take quite a while before it actually costs the hang of this.style possibly in the long term it might work out quite now. Sad quite frustrating Moments because the words status just, and I've no idea why that is come up because really I speak one clearly said Gartner's (That was meant to be "God knows") wouldn't be like for someone new one has got an accident accent yes that's right the second time luckily. Is any of this making sense? Him and I think it will take some time before this works really well. I was sort of how hoping that I'd just be up to stop forking and he would more turn that absolutely perfectly but that's not going to help plan the it happened while. It because at the moment it's looking like I'm talking complete Sleep hard abortion it him him and.
While the punctuation seems to work quite well anyway. At the moment it's taking me considerably longer to do anything which is disappointing because I was hoping that this was going to work really well but it's it doesn't appear to be working that well and I've learnt to say scratch that's pretty well because scratch that is what I have to say when I want to effectively were bank something. Broadband something no no no not vote band some think it's no no no no no no no no no real need and getting very very be there be a straight frustrated.
Well my conclusion is that at present, and this is complete the world of proof sheets. It no not proof sheets are a set she it. I'll try again she know I'm trying to say Bolsheviks are we are used to the that a simple shapes. A set poll shakes P. you double out Ali sagged. I.e. I am trying to say the word Bolsheviks, no that's not the word Bolsheviks I'm trying to say the word Carol Carol Carol him him him him him. All. I'm trying to say is the words which have a remarkable similarity to handle time can come Old as a new ascertain moved more.
Flock. Fark. Talk. Fark fark fark fark fark fark fark fark not knock no room I am going to spell it helps fark fark fark for for for a give up love and the serious, entire
Macy's no Notts Macy's Macy's James Jenny's Cheney clearly him. Off the
I advise you not to buy a voice recognition programme, Gary. It doesn't recognise the words fuck and bullshit which is rather unfortunate.
Jesus what a waste of money.
Mrs Turley - which according to this software is Macy's Cheny.
I haven't stopped laughing reading this back - it was worth the 60 quid just for the laugh.