Showing posts from January, 2014

Ten Reasons Why I Love Americans

1. Over 100, 000 Americans have just signed a petition to have Justin Beiber kicked out of the US. That action deserves a round of applause. True, there's been the odd occasion I've thought Americans were all bonkers (Eat Pray Love, election of George Bush Jnr, Kindegarten Cop) now I know they're not. Hurrah.

2 Lots of Americans wear really big hats and I like hats. I especially like those ten-gallon hats cowboys wear. I also like the hat Huggy Bear wears in Starksy and Hutch. Cool.

3. I like Americans' style. Even though Americans blow each other's heads off with guns they still manage to justify their gun policy on the grounds of personal safety. In England we call that irony. In the US they call it logic. As I said, I like their style.

4. Americans spell words wrongly. I've got used to it. In fact, I find it rather cute. It reminds me of when I was at school at the teacher would look at me fondly and say "Well done, Jane. That was a really good attempt.…

From subversive to submissive

I'm having a hell of a morning, folks. Full of disappointment. Now this is not because Master Jacob has forgotten his PE kit AGAIN and I've had to drive into town to drop it off - because three days in a row would have resulted in a major depression as I would have known for sure that my son was incapable of remembering anything but his first name. So all's good - just two days in a row and he's even managed to catch the bus every day this week. Yippee.

The truth is I'm depressed because I've received an email from Amazon trying to sell me a matching set of placements and coasters. Now this is depressing because, frankly, I'm not looking like a very dynamic person if all they can try and seduce me with is placemats and coasters. How about sending me an email for a super-charged vibrator or a sit-on lawn mower? Or maybe a helicopter flight or a massive chainsaw?  Cos you know, I like to consider myself still relatively lively for 48 years old. There's st…

Interrupting the deafening silence

Yes, I know I've have not been around much of late. However, today I had to break the silence to report a crime so heinous by one of the Young Masters that it can not go unreported. When they return home from school today I will be wearing my Spanish Inquisition frock and my kitchen tools will be laid out for ready for use. I will find out whether it is Master Benedict or Master Jacob who is the perpetrator of this unforgivable crime.

And what crime is this I hear you ask?

Well, dear readers, this morning I opened my email account and found a record of an unexpected purchase from itunes.

One of the my boys has downloaded Let Me Go by Gary Barlow.

GRR. I thought I was doing a good job with their music education. I shall have to review my methods.