Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ugh, I have insomnia!

Okay we'll get to the loo cleaner in a minute. Perhaps because it's the nearly 3 am nothing will do what I want it to do! Or it could be that I'm stupid!'s where I actually started...

Yes, yes yes. It's 1.55 am and I have insomnia again. Obviously this means I am either a genius or I am nuts.

Somehow I think it's got more to do with being nuts.

Anyhow I am just going to write off the cuff. Tricky in these pyjamas with long baggy sleeves but I'll give it a try.

You know just when I think my insomnia is getting better it gets worse again. Humph. Maybe it something all Mrs Ts share because apparently the really famous Mrs T, Mrs Thatcher, hardly needed any sleep either. Mind you in the early hours she was probably doing something constructive like drafting Laws, writing speeches and grilling a few cabinet members whereas I just switch on my PC and read blogs, oggle pictures of Pierce and scribe letters to Tom Cruise. I usually start my letters to Tom like this;

"Dear Tom,

I do hope this letter didn't get stuck in letterbox; I know it would be very tiresome for you to have to get your ladder out so early in the morning to retrieve it. Never mind, next time remember to send one of your bodyguards down to the gate to collect it. By the way how is Grumpy, Sneezy and the rest of the gang?..."

Of course, when I write to Tom Jones is a completely different matter,

"Darling Tom,

Oh baby you are one hell of a mover!(Even for an old guy) Mmmm....I just love the way you swing those hips and shake that wholesome booty! Don't forget to swing on by my place next time your in the UK - I'll put my granny knickers on and we can do a duet....."

This insomnia is bad for me eh? Ah well, it could be worse I could suffer from insomnia AND be overwieght.

Oh, I am.

Damn. Still it could be worse, I could suffer from insomnia, be overweight and have 3kids who drive me bonkers and a cat that throws up daily on the carpet.

Oh, I do.

Hmm.. I'm not discovering any therapies here to make me sleep. However, what I have discovered lately is this;


Yep, toilet cleaner. No, no, no! Stop thinking Mrs T's loos are dirty because she has only just discovered loo cleaner. I mean THIS particular Loo cleaner which has revolutionary "beads" in it. Yes ladies (and any gents who are interested) I can now exfoliate my Loo. Well thank goodness for that! I only hope all that extra abrasion doesn't have a disatrous effect on my lovely white porcelain; I don't want it to wear thin and find my loo trembling and shaking as I'm sitting there gracefully one day with my knickers round my ankles. What if it collapsed? Imagine the headlines in the local paper;

"Housewife goes round the Bend in flushing disaster."

Mrs J Turley was rescued by fireman after being trapped down her toilet. Suffering from acute breathing difficulties and in urgent need of resusiticion she was pulled dramatically free by a team of 5 firemen, a pully and a large tub of Vaseline. Chief Fireman Mr Cruise said;

" It was a horrendous job and frankly if I'd found any excuse not to be there I would have taken it. However I did have a bet on with Officer Davison that we could release the woman in under 2 minutes so I stuck around. Unfortunately it took 2 hours to release the woman as proceedings were hampered by what we thought was a large parachute but later discovered to be a large pair of XXXL granny knickers"

What time is it? 2.39 am. Well that filled in some time. What next? Oh I don't know maybe it's time to surf a little or maybe I'll even go and clean the loo.....

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

Oh yes..about those dinosaurs with the cleaner.. Hey I was bored! Just how do you make loo cleaner look interesting? You know it was a really, really big bottle of loo cleaner cos I hear dinosaurs are usually pretty big too....

Ps..the spell check is not working either so If I've spellt anyfing inkorrectly give me a brake.


  1. It is amazing how putting beads somewhere can spice things up isnt it! Even in toilet cleaner of all places...which I guess if you think about it, it is full circle. But then, you need to sink to the Master Sy Level of Depravity setting on your brain control to know!

  2. I know your level of depravity Master Sy! You can't hide it from Mrs T!

  3. I totally understand how horrible insomnia can be. i posted about it once.

    as for the toilet cleaner - you should try making an ad for it.. i bet you'll do a good job!!

  4. Hey, great stuff! Who else could write about Tom Cruise and toilet cleaner in one post? How on earth did you lug that enormous bottle, beads or no beads, home from the supermarket??? (I feel that, at this stage, I should put on my own housewife's hat and pretend an interest - did the beads make a difference? - but really, it can wait.)

    Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

  5. Hey Another Blogger, I want to find out your trick of passing out and how it works! When you find out what causes it pleasssse let me know!

    Mrs B,

    The hat looks good but you can't fool me! You have no interest in my loo cleaner whatsoever do you?

    And thank goodness for that!

    You know I don't know why I didn't think of it before...but I think Tom Cruise would make a very good loo brush..just the right fit!

    Ps... The beads didn't make any difference but you know they looked good with the earrings on the cistern.

  6. It's almost certainly the winebox plonk talking but there must be a market for a loo brush holder with a picture of Katie Holmes on it and a Tom Cruise loo brush to match. It would set the dinosaurs (and the beads) in your 'smallest room' off to great effect, no? Hang on, if dinosaurs can fit in that room, it must be huge ... but that's OK; the loo brush set will just look that much smaller.

    Do you think I ought to get out more?


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