Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Blogging A to Z: G is for Guns and Girls

This could be a contentious post because I have quite a few American readers and I know the US has a far more relaxed gun law than the UK. So it's possible US readers might want to let off some steam in the comments.

Now I suspect some US folks might think that we Brits are a bunch of wet pussies policing London with umbrellas and a couple of old batons. But before any of you go leaving your pro-gun law rants I want to let you into a secret.


I have some guns of my own.

Yeah, that's right, readers. Mrs T has her own guns 'cos I am well into personal safety and no mad serial-killer-fruitcake or author-stalker is going to get through my front door without getting his arse blown right off.

Now I suspect you'd all like to see my guns. Well, here they are:

Oh there's a crossbow there too - that's for when I'm chilling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know they're only plastic. But, believe me, I can do A LOT of damage with those guns. I've got three sons so I've done the equivalent of ten years SAS training in my 23 years as a mum and there ain't nothing I can't do with a stack of rubber bullets and a water pistol.

Yep, you heard correct - I have water pistols too. Well not strictly water pistols - more like effluent pistols. One shot in the face from one of  my MK46 Sub-Effluent machine guns and you're done for. You won't be able to hold anything down for a week and you'll be dead before you've run out of clean undies.

So basically, I am cool gun-toting chick (hence the "girls" in this title) like you see in the movies. Except I'm British which means not only am I cooler than Angelina Jolie but, since I am also younger than Helen Mirren, I am super super cool.  Anyway being so super hot and cool I thought I'd post a picture of myself cos I know you're all now curious about the way I look.

Now long term readers of my blog will be familiar with the picture of me below, posing in one of my relaxed moods, but I just want to remind any new male readers that I am handy with guns so keep your smutty thoughts to yourself. Also, I am related to the Queen so if you get too familiar with me it will be straight to the tower.

The MK46 sub effluent machine gun is under the bed. I feel naked without it.

You can check out the other Blogging A to Z candidates HERE.

Previous posts: A is for Arses and Aidan Turner
                         B is for Bullshit
                         C is for Chinese Crispy Duck and the Conservative Party.
                         D is for Diarrhea, Dinosaurs and Depauperation
                         E is for Eulogy for the Earth
                         F is for Ferrero Rocher

1 comment:

  1. Well I don't have any guns, real or otherwise in my house anymore but screwdrivers and chisels can be put to alternative uses! lol Might see if there are any water pistols still hiding anywhere ;)


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