Thursday, June 2, 2011

Big Mouth, Big Toe

It will not come as a shock to you folks that I am always getting into trouble. Well I've done it again - only this time it doesn't involve my car.
It involves my big toe.

Earlier today, I decided that whilst the boys were in the nets playing cricket and having a little instruction, I would have a bash too. Now, many years ago I used to play cricket (emphasis on the "many") and whilst I've hit a few tennis balls with the kids at cricket when they were younger I haven't done much with a hard ball in about... 25 years.

Probably not a good idea then to stick on pads and a helmet and have a bat. But hey, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't an idiot most of the time!

Yep, so I faced a few balls, struck a few and was beginning to move into "power play" mode (which for those of you not familiar with cricket terminology roughly translates as "swing wildly and hope for the best") when the cricket coach - fast bowler, ex county, club opening bowler  (Am I laying it on thick enough here?) comes charging in. It was a real beauty, swinging into me at about which point I thought...

I shall hit that for six over mid-on!

(Yes, I am delusional. Just bear with me.)

Yes... well... (cough, cough. ) Obviously, I completely missed the darn ball and it hit my big toe.


Anyway, I carried on for a while and then when I came off (dignity not intact) I pulled off my trainer and saw this:

And just for once it was nothing to do with putting red pants in with my white wash.

Here's what it looks like a few hours later:

Ohhhh.... look at those little porkie sausages! Terrific war wound though. I am going to get some serious mileage out of this - especially when I tell folks how the ball ricocheted off my foot and knocked me out - resulting in my being airlifted to the local hospital to receive open toe surgery. (Unfortunately they could do nothing about my brain which, unsurprisingly, had already received irreparable damage.)

I love a good story.

Anyway, I now have a public apology to make. Poor Cricket Coach was very apologetic but being in one of my jovial moods, as I normally am, I later texted him and told him my toe had fallen off. I'm not sure he understood my humour... Anyway the fact that big toe hurts is my own stupid fault!

Hmm...I think tomorrow I'll text him and tell him I ate my toe with some beans and a nice Chianti.

I wonder if he'll believe me?

Hee, hee, hee...


  1. oooooh. And just in time for sandal season. bummer!

  2. Darn it, I'm So Fancy - I never thought of that.

    Hmm...I know... I'll paint all my toenails black - then I can look like a trendy Goth!

  3. That looks painful! I've had one or two of these in my time, usually fingers not toes. I got my right thumb caught between the ball and bat handle once, and can still remember the feeling!
    Hope it heals quickly, you could always try laying off the housework for a while....

  4. Good idea Mrs A - although Coach may sue me for the tennis ball I smashed into his nose the other week:))

  5. Martin, I fear for someone who has only be reading My Witty Ways for a short while you already know me pretty well:))

    Yes, very little houswork last night and today - I am just soooo ill!!!!

  6. That's an amazing colour match: I've never thought of blood as being cricket-ball red before. Good job it wasn't a yellow tennis ball!

    Mind, that cricket ball looks very innocent. Are you sure that was the guilty party?

  7. Oh it was defintitely the cricket ball PB - when you get hit by one of those you know it! That red blood was quite shocking actually -I've never bled that much before and it carried on bleeding for hours!(Apparently that's good underneath a toenail otherwise a build up of blood underneath can be very painful.)

    My aunt got hit between the eyes years ago as a spectator at a professional match - broken glasses and two black eyes. Now that's what I call a six.))

  8. I don't know much about cricket, but I'd have thought a pair of glasses and two black eyes was a four.

  9. Oooh, paiiiiinful! Hope it's better now. But for the blue to go & the nail to fall off seems to take for ever!

  10. It is still painful Sue - not when I walk but if there's any pressure on it - which (as I seem to be stubbing my toe and dropping things on it at every turn) seems to be alomost hourly! I never knew I was so clumsy!!

  11. How is your poor toe doing now, Jane? Not to be an alarmist, but an injury like that can be really serious. You can actually get a bone infection. So if it is not a lot better by now, get it checked, ok?

    If you have any other relatively minor injuries, let me know and I will tell you how they could kill you. :)

  12. Thankgoodness I don't have any other minor injuries Marie!!

    Well my toe still hurts- I'm inclined to think it is because I am stupid anough to carry on playing tennis and this is my first year of competetive tennis so I don't want to give up! (I've cut out the toes of my trainers) so I am probably excerbating the bruising - but maybe I will check it out now!

  13. A banged toe can seem relatively minor. But when there is bleeding like that it means there was a break in the skin under the nail. If the blow made any kind of break or crack in those teeny little toe bones, it can be be an opening for bacteria from the outside and voila, a bone infection! And that is super serious.

    If you still have significant pain, swelling or redness radiating from the area,go to the emergency room. Otherwise, if it seems to be getting better, keep off it as much as possible and ice it, 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. And take something like ibuprofen to help the pain.

    The Voice of Doom and Gloom :)

  14. Thank you My friend - I will check it out and get back to you:)


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