Thursday, April 6, 2017

F is for Fantasies

This is going to be one of my rare intimate posts. This is a post where you discover something about me and I get to, hopefully, discover something about you! So don't forget to leave me one of your fantasies in the comments.

Okay so here are my top twenty fantasies:

1. I win the ManBooker prize.

2.I win the Nobel prize for literature.

3. I win the Nobel Prize for literature and the ManBooker prize in the same year - for different books. (I've always been ambitious.)

4. I bump into Tom Cruise at Harrods and say "Oh I am so sorry.... Oh you look familiar....Now don't tell me.... you're... your'e... Justin Bieber."

5. Our Prime Minister, Mrs May, invites me to be the Minister for Literature. I decline because I am too busy on the international book circuit talking about my Nobel prize for literature and my ManBooker Prize. (Awarded in the same year.)

6. I go onto the Daily Mail Website and the headline reads:

Kim Kardashian's arse explodes.
Large crater appears on Hollywood Walk of Fame.

And underneath the headlines are 952 close-up photographs. And a video.

7. I wake up one morning and I have lost 4 stone.

8. I wake up one morning, turn on my side and there is a (youthful) man there who looks like a Roman God with a lithe body and muscular torso. I say:

"Do you have a twin brother? We could have a threesome."

9. I win 70 million on the lottery - on the same day as I win the ManBooker prize and the Nobel Prize for literature.

10. I never get caught for speeding. 

11. I never get caught for speeding and driving irresponsibly whilst eating a bar of Cadbury's fruit and nut chocolate.

12. I bump into George Clooney in Harrods. I say... " Oh you look familiar. I'm sure I know you from somewhere....you're.. you're... Donald Trump!"

13. Her Majesty makes me a Dame for services to Literature. I graciously accept.

14. I wake up one morning and discover a horse's head on my pillow. Luckily, its made of chocolate so I stay in bed all day eating it.

15. I discover a miracle cure for facial hair.

16. I write a kick-ass film script. I am asked to help audition the lead roles. Jason Statham comes into the audition room and I say "So Jason, what can you do for me?" He says "Anything you like. I love this script and I really want this role." I say "I'm in room 52 at the Ritz. No need to knock."

17. I'm in the foyer of the Ritz and bump into Gerard Butler. He says; " I've heard you've written a kick-ass film script that would be perfect for me. Is there any chance I could audition for it?" I say "Can you come to my room after 10pm? I have a late night appointment with ...my accountant."

18. I wake up one morning and go over to the Daily Mail website and the headline reads:

Kanye West airlifted to Hospital.
Enormous sinkhole appears at Kardashian's mansion. Kim Kardashian still missing.

19. God has a sense of humour.

20. I meet a very wealthy senile old man with 7 younger brothers.

*******

By the way, you can pick up my short story for children and adults called Fantasia free HERE on Amazon kindle for the next five days. If you enjoy it please write a review!

10 comments:

  1. Outrageous. I alternately laughed and cringed my way through your list. I'll restrict myself to talking about my literary fantasies...money and fame. Every novel I write becomes the object of the 'this one will be my breakout" fantasy.

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    1. Ah yes... recognition.. every writer's no 1 fantasy, DA. When I started writing I planned to write a thriller on the lines of Martin Cruz Smith - by chapter 2 it was a comedy. I'm never going to win anything unless it's a pie in the face:D

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  2. LOL! Loved them all. My only fantasy involves money. I'm sure it will never happen!

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    1. if I ever win the lottery Paula, the first thing I shall do is employ a housekeeper and cook. I should have added another fantasy - that I never ever, ever have to wash anymore boxer shorts.

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  3. Omigosh, this is filarious! I always thought fantasy was about elves and dragons and hobbits, oh my. I might need to start reading fantasy.

    My fantasies are not fit to print without a NSFW banner blocking them. Also, I don't have a twin brother, so a couple things aren't working out for me.

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    1. You've been reading too much Tolkien, John. You definitely need to get out more and let your mind run free!

      Let me know if you want me to set you some writing exercises. LOL.

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  4. LOL you are nothing if not ambitious. I am no where near as creative or inventive as that. Winning the lottery would be amazing and an absolute fantasy cause I never buy tickets or gamble at all (my Baptist upbringing comes to the fore all the time) I would love Australia to change its refugee process so that we don't treat people seeking refuge like criminals. I would love for my 4 kids to all find their way in life - my two sons in relationships to marry their partners and make me a grandma in a few years. And for my other 2 kids to find their special someones.... not that you have to be married to be fulfilled or have meaningful lives but this is my fantasy..... and that I could eat chocolate and lose weight.

    oh and I could make all the quilts that I have save patterns for

    Philipa (Ozzypip)
    Quilter and blogger
    Blogging her way through an A to Z quilt
    Ozzypip Quilts

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    1. I can tell you have a kind heart Ozzypip:)

      But I have to say I wish I could eat chocolate and lose weight. That would be awesome!

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  5. Nothing wrong with being ambitious! Yeah eating chocolate and still lose weight? Hopefully someone's working on that! Right now my fantasies just involve a good night's sleep in my own bed and a bit of normality.

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  6. My number one fantasy is to publish a book (or series) that makes JK Rowling levels of money so I never have to have a day job again. Number two would be to have anything I wrote make the top ten list in it's category on Goodreads.

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