Wednesday, April 13, 2016

K is for Kale and Karma

Being a girl who was brought up in the countryside I am fond of my vegetables. (And I am not talking about the locals.) I even eat Brussel sprouts which probably puts me in a minority group and deserving of a government grant. I must also be one of the very few who eats the gherkin slices in a McDonalds' hamburger. I'm not sure what a slice of gherkin adds to a hamburger - maybe it's to fool customers into thinking McDonalds' burgers are healthy because they have some ghastly greens in them. But anyway, I am one of those people who don't like to waste food (especially out-of-date chocolates and biscuits) as I was brought up in a family with a frugal budget where we couldn't afford to waste what little we had.

So this brings me to the subject of kale which, just in case you don't know, is a type of cabbage. It is described by the Oxford dictionary as "a hardy cabbage of a variety which produces erect stems with large leaves and no compact head."

This is a rather brief definition which, frankly, does not impress me. Thus, I have written my own defintion which I shall be submitting to the Oxford dictionary for consideration in due course. If you have anything to add to my defintion please leave a comment.

Kale: (Pronunciation: Vom-it) A hardy cabbage of a variety which produces erect stems with large leaves and no compact head. It is universally hated by women, except those who favour Feng Shui, due to its recommend use in (supposedly) healthy but foul tasting smoothies. Despite it's reputation for being healthy many women have reported vomiting, diarrhea, bloating, bile, violent stomach cramps, profuse belching and farting on the consumption of kale smoothies. Some women have been hopsitalised due to the onset of severe depression after atempting a 28-day kale smoothie diet.

Alternate thesaurus words for kale: disgusting, vile, inedible, sickening, rancid, gross and putrid.

Decorating your kale smoothie does not make it taste any better.
Now to end this post here's a question for you: Do you believe in karma? Becasue I have had such rotten luck for the past 18 months I am beginning to wonder what I have done wrong. In fact, I am deeply worried not just about what might happen to me next but also what might happen to me in the afterlife. Knowing my luck, I won't just burn in the fires of hell - I'll be forced to eat kale smoothies for all eternity or be reborn as a stick of kale that is pulverised in a mixer before being drunk with glee by some overly enthusastic dietican.




6 comments:

  1. Firstly, you made me laugh—so, thank you. I ate a kale salad (once) in the Nashville airport last year, on the way back home to the West Coast, along with some badly needed wine. The salad wasn't horrible. Then again, at the time, I was REALLY sick of airplanes. Had a nice chat with the bartender; she was lovely. Never had a kale smoothie. Now, I never will. That probably warrants a second thank you, sooooo ... thank you. And, no, I don't think I believe in karma. Then again, I'm not the common denominator these days by a long shot; don't listen to me.

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    1. Hi Jennifer and welcome to my blog:) I didn't know they put kale in salads as well. It won't be long before they're serving up grass cuttings as healthy food!

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  2. J here, of the #atozchallenge Arlee Bird's A to Z Ambassador Team.
    How has the challenge been going for you so far? Are you meeting your goals of posting and hopping to other blogs?
    My blog's giveaways are still going! I'm encouraging everyone to visit more stops.
    http://jlennidornerblog.what-are-they.com
    I've tried Kale Chips. "It's all the rage!"
    Does the rage come from people turning green like The Incredible Hulk as they vomit?

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    1. Hi J. Thanks for dropping by:)

      I'd try kale chips - I think you mean what we call crisps in the UK. I like other vegetable crisps (parsnip is a fav of mine) but I might have a mental block against kale ones - still you can but try!

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  3. Well Jane, I salute you for eating brussel sprouts. Unfortunately you cannot martyr yourself on that one because my hubby insists on cooking them so I have to eat them. He also cooks Kale. I'm educating him on the fact that you have to cook it for a LONG time for it to be edible. I would NEVER let a kale smoothie in the house let alone my stomach. And what the hell are Kale Chips???? Kale compressed into chip sized shapes? You'd break your teeth on them.
    Hope your luck starts to improve.

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    1. You're husband sounds like he is a bit of a daredevil in the kitchen, Wendy. A man who thinks he knows what he is doing in the kitchen is a danger to himself and others. I am praying he is not one of those!

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