Saturday, April 7, 2012

Midget Gem Outrage (No 1)

Yes, I've finally got round to talking about those lovely little sweeties called Midget Gems. So in order for you to understand the importance of this article I shall  first give you a bit of background to this high powered, utterly crucial and extremely well researched consumer article.

Hang on. I've just remembered I have half a packet of Midget Gems left in my drawer. I'd better eat them before they go stale.

Mmm... Mmm...

So, back to business. Wait a minute. I've got one stuck on my teeth. Where's my toothpick? Right, off you get now...come on you little bugger...move. I said MOVE. Okay, that's better...

Now where was I? Ah yes -so my boys and I and indeed the good Mr T are very fond of Midget Gems (hence forth known as MG) and for a long time, after the boys finished tennis in the evenings, I would often stop and pick up some MG from the Tesco Express we pass on the way home. The MG were in the Tesco "value" range and priced at 33p. The boys would get a packet each and occasionally I would share mine with Mr T if I didn't forget to leave them in the car. (Cough, cough.) So for 99p we would all get a little tasty treat. Excellent.

Then, one evening, after a long hard day working like a slave around the house, driving long distances into town and writing mentally taxing academic articles here on my blog and with two very tired and sweaty young masters in the car I went into the Tesco Express to get my MG. But I could not find my MG! Where were my MG? I was extremely anxious, my heart beating furiously at the thought my MG were gone forever.  I raked my eyes over the shelves, sick, sick, sick at the thought of having to eat Wine Gums, Chocolate Ã‰clairs or even, God forbid, a Galaxy Caramel Chocolate bar. And then suddenly...

Right at this juncture, Readers, I need you to go over to your cooker, hob, oven or whatever you call the thingy you cook on in your country and stick your finger on/in the element/flame so that you can get some idea of the acute pain I was about to suffer...

Yes, suddenly I noticed that my dearly beloved MG had been repackaged, placed on the shelf above and priced at;


Yes, that's right. 93p for ONE packet.

Now, Readers, please go back and place your finger on the hob again. Because now I have to tell you  when I next went to the large Tesco where I do my main shop my MG were priced at;


(By the way there is no discernible difference between the old and new MG as I have more than adequately sampled them) 

Now we all know you have to pay a little bit more in a corner shop because corner shops are often independent or much smaller companies - but Tesco? Tesco is a huge multinational company!  I am, quite frankly, appalled, sickened, gutted, mortified, outraged and indeed ready to take out their HQ with an Exocet missile and a small troop of irate housewives that the price of my beloved MG has been so ludicrously inflated.

Please go burn your finger again.

This is because you must now suffer the agony of waiting until tomorrow for part two of this consumer article where I will compare the price and taste of Tesco, Morrison and Aldi Midget Gems. I would have done that now - but unfortunately I've forgotten and I need to do some more sampling.

Notice that I have got out my Critic mug in preparation for this odious and most difficult of tasks. 


  1. I reckon it's the packaging. Either that, or it's the confectionery equivalent of the pasty tax.

    You can't blame Tesco. They must really need the money...

  2. 60p for the packaging? Why 'tis scandalous, scandalous,Martin. Off with their heads, I say! May they rot in a pile of their over priced rotten tomatoes!

    Hmm.. do you think I've made myself clear enough?

    I think I shall levy a Turley tax on my housekeeping services. I shall expect to make an absolute killing especially if I packaged myself in pink!


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