Sunday, March 30, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin and the Concious Uncoupling

I'm going to have to jump into the affray with the ridiculous terminology Gwyneth has assigned to her separation from Coldplay's Chris Martin.

You just know when you've heard an expression like concious uncoupling that it's been coined after a minimum of twelve weeks counselling. Most likely in a room overflowing with scented candles and where all the furniture faces east. You can also be pretty darn sure that when the terms of the conscious uncoupling have been agreed, the concious couple will have wound down with a "fun" yoga session and a dinner of spinach parcels and deep-fried Quorn.

Tasty. In a sort of bland vegetarian way.

Now, when I was vigorously researching this post (Daily Mail) I also stumbled upon this article at The New York Times. Apparently, the term concious uncoupling was not coined by Gwyneth but by a psychotherapist called Katherine Woodward Thomas who, at the time of being interviewed about her terminology, was hanging out at a spa and yoga resort.

Now there's a surprise.

No, I'm not being cynical. I am genuinely surprised. I thought it would be a kibbutz.

The thing is the term concious uncoupling reminds me of all those other daft politically correct terms we have here in the UK like Accessible Toilet (Formerly a toilet for disabled persons)  and transparent (used to mean something you could see through but now means the exact opposite. (Ho hum)

Anyway, language is a funny old thing. We all carry associations with certain words. For example:

 With the word divorce I associate:

1. Two people annulling their marriage. 
2. Tammy Wynette's 1968 hit D.I.V.O.R.C.E
3 Joan Collins, Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor.

With the word  separation I associate:

1. Two people living apart who will probably get a divorce.
2.  An unwrapped packet of Rolos awaiting consumption by my good self
3. Mr T opening his wallet to pay for my B-day present.

Unfortunately, with the words concious uncoupling all I can associate is:

I am quite interested to know if Galapagos giant turtles practise yoga. I may undertake some further research into this matter when I have consciously precipitated our nutriment. (Cooked tea.)


  1. When I think of uncoupling, I think of lorries. Should I be worried by this?

    1. I think it's fairly safe for a bloke to think of uncoupling in terms of lorries or trains or even tractors, Martin! You can close your eyes tonight and rest peacefully that you're completely normal - as I'm sure Chris Martin is now doing!

      By the way, I've just seen your review on Amazon. Thanks ever so much:) I hope those "salty" stories weren't too shocking! I like to try my hand at a bit of everything:)

    2. You've no need to thank me Jane, it was my honest opinion. I wasn't exactly shocked - more surprised - but I enjoyed being made to think a bit!

    3. I like to write serious stuff too, Martin - I just can't keep it up for long before it degenerates into slapstick. My first attempt at a novel was one page of deadly serious literary writing but by the second page it had degenerated into chick lit! My preference is definitely for the comedy though. I hope with The Changing Room I have got the balance between drama and comedy just right - although it definitely more comedy than pathos. We shall have to wait and see if it hits the mark:)


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