Friday, November 9, 2012

You Are Kidding Me? Some Women Wear Onesies?

Earlier in the year I talked about an item of clothing that has now grown so huge in popularity it is featuring on the news, radio and in the national newspapers. It's called the Onesie. It's basically like a baby's sleep suit - only for adults. If you remember, I personally designed one for Tom Cruise back here. (Age 13- 14 obviously.) Just in case you forgotten this is what it looked liked:

As you can see, I made a lot of effort.

Sadly, this morning when I did my early morning peruse of the papers I saw a GROWN WOMAN wearing one of these here. Unfortunately, the photographer took the picture of her also clutching a large teddy bear -so not only does she now look ridiculously stupid but also mentally unstable. 

Now, I have to say, I am not convinced that any woman in her late forties and who has had children would wear a Onesie so I think this article is possibly a put-up job by The Daily Mail. Here's why:

1. As anybody who has ever worn a jumpsuit will know - you cannot get out of them in a hurry. This means whilst wearing a Onesie it would also be advisable to wear a nappy. When I get up in the morning it's like a hundred metres dash to get the bathroom and if anyone gets in my way they are liable to find themselves either flattened or pinned to the wall. Wearing a Onesie would severely reduce my ability to pee in a dignified manner whilst at the same time increasing my laundry load. 

2. Any woman who has ever a hot flush will tell you that you do not want to be wearing something that takes two days and a crowbar to get out of. Not unless you want to roast and feed yourself to cannibals. A woman needs nightwear that be removed in less than a second so that she can breathe easily thus avoiding  a) a panic attack  b) the onset of thrush  or c) spontaneous combustion. 

3. Any woman who wants to stay married would not wear a Onesie. I have worn many weird and wonderful outfits to bed ( I'm going to be short on the detail here as it's a family site) but I have never worn anything that makes me look a)  I've just escaped from Rehab b) I've escaped from Rehab and wandered into Mothercare or c) Jimmy Saville. 

To conclude: No woman should ever, ever, ever wear a Onesie. They should be outlawed and burnt in a large pile outside parliament.

And if someone could toss a few of those politicians on at the same time things should start looking up.


  1. I...erm...I own a onesie. As does my wife. And my neighbours. And in the late if summer when the weather is turning ...well...we sit in the garden wearing them. And they are so damn comfy after several beers.

    You should get one.

  2. I am not shocked about you wearing a Onesie Sy Onesie Wearer Extraordinaire - No doubt yours even has little pockets in which to keep your hamsters! But your wife and the neighbours?! Now that is a crime!!


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