This is a tag I received from Mrs G over at Eve's Lungs. I have to give 5 reasons why I love being a mum. Now I'm pretty sure 5 reasons why I hate being a mum could pop into my head pretty easily...... oh well might as well do those first....
1. When your children are small the only sex you know about is watching Top Gun with your eyes propped open with matchsticks and dribble running down the corner of your mouth at 2 am in the morning while your baby crawls all over the room unaware of the fact the HE SHOULD BE ASLEEP. Of course watching Tom Cruise performing is about as exciting as watching paint dry but let's face it at 2 am you don't want to watch University Challenge.
2. In the main part, children don't lie until they get to a certain age which means they always tell the truth about your cooking. This leads to depression, drug addiction and suicidal thoughts. It also leads to canned soup.
3. When the moment finally arrives that you get to have sex just at the point when it's getting interesting. (Your partner has taken his socks off) a little voice cries "Mummmmmmy!" This inevitably means that a small person will be sharing your bed within 5 minutes and you have just enough time to pull your flannelette pyjamas and woolly bed socks back on.
4. If you're lucky enough to actually have sex when your partner says " How was it for you darling?" a small voice pipes up " Tash is on my bed, why was daddy looking for pussy under the duvet?" Note; always use chains and bolts on your bedroom door and set the toddler early detection warning system to maxium efficiency.
5. Everyone else's baby is either perfect or grossly imperfect. Let me explain; if you say "I had a bad night last night" (Meaning perhaps you were up several hours and feel pretty exhausted.) You will receive one of two responses either;
"My baby slept all night and has done since she was born" (Guaranteed to really rile you.)
Or the other even more irritating response;
"Oh yes so did I. I had to call the emergency doctor out because Little Johnny's toe nail was looking odd. The doctor thought it was toenailitis so we had to been air lifted to casualty. Then the consultant thought it was toenailitis with septicemia and brain dysfunction. Oh I was soooo worried....blah...blah....blah...."
Remember with this kind of mother you will never win. Try to have some good put-downs handy. For example in the above instance something like;"So how long has Johnny been painting his toenails then?" would be an effective reply. Alternatively, stick your fingers down your throat and throw up over them.
Right, 5 reasons why I love being a mum.
1. My children's smiles are the most glorious gifts. Seeing them happy is my biggest joy in my life. When they smile and laugh I know that I am being a good mother.
2. I get to eat their chocolate when they're not looking. Yummy!
3. I get to sit on the sides of tennis courts, football pitches, karate session and cricket matches and oggle young men completely legitimately! How good is that?!
4. I have the perfect excuse not to do any housework! "I was busy playing with/entertaining/educating your sons so I couldn't polish/clean/vacuum." (Remember to wash the bubbles out of the bath otherwise you might give the game away.)
5. My children love me unconditionally and that is my greatest reward. (No one tell them about the choccy please or they might change their minds.)
This is supposed to be a mum's tag so I pass it onto Tamera and Marie but I want to see some male thoughts too! So I also pass it onto Sy (hee, hee) and PB (His kids are much older so I want to see if he still feels the same way about them now they've sucked all his cash out of him).
Thursday, May 7, 2009
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