Master Benedict: good looking 8 year old, supremely fit and athletic (inherited from mother) budding comedian, impressionist and generally annoying little chap. Likes his mother to check his “cleanliness” so that he claim 50p a time much to his mother’s general displeasure.
Master Jacob: good looking 10 year old, supremely fit and athletic, (inherited from mother ) shy, sensitive little fellow. Likes to whop the pants of his tennis opponents to the delight and general bragging of his mother so that he can claim a weeks’ worth of abstinence from his mother’s cooking.
Mrs T: Youthful looking 29 year old. (Once) supremely fit and athletic, now letting it all hang out. Amusingly stupid with a penchant for Pierce Brosnan, chocolate and hats. Prone to delusions of grandeur, youth, prescription pralines and writing a best selling book titled “Misery is housework but happiness is being trapped by an obsessed (young male) fan.”
Scene; Mrs T is quietly sipping a glass of rose, feeling replete after roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and getting ready to enjoy an evening of pleasant blogging. Master Ben and Master Jacob are debating what they should do before Top Gear comes on the telly at 8pm.
Master Ben: (Deadpan delivery) I want a laptop.
Mrs T: (General spluttering, and coughing noises)Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!!
Master Ben: (Evil smirk) I want my own laptop.
Mrs T: (Face contorting into weird positions aka Priscilla Presley) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!! You’ve got loads of stuff already! You can use the computer upstairs to play on, or the Xbox or the Wii……
Master Ben: (Loud and demanding) But I WANT my own laptop!
Mrs T: (Going red in face and veins on forehead bulging) When I was your age, I didn’t have any of the things you had! We had to make our own entertainment! I didn’t have a computer, a phone, a colour TV; why, we didn’t even have a record player until I was………
Master Jacob; (Abruptly and loudly interrupting the proceedings) WHAT'S A RECORD PLAYER?
Mrs T; (Swigs down rest of rose, refills glass, climbs wearily upstairs using a crutch for support and glasses to magnify the steps, switches on PC, initiates Google search “ Ways to feel younger….”
Here’s a song from my youth by Rolf Harris about Two Little Boys.
And even though my boys can be right pains in the derriere and keep reminding me I’m getting old, I hope that they never, ever have to go to war.
Copyright Jane Turley 2009