Saturday, May 31, 2014

The Writers' Curse -Typofuckitupitius

I will be talking about French trains and German engineering very soon. However, I have to stray from my agenda this morning as I have finally discovered why most writers are mad. I've heard about writers who imagine aliens and psychotic wide-eyed rabbits peering out of bushes at them. I've never considered myself as one of them because, as anyone who knows me is aware, I am completely normal.

However, what I have discovered this morning is that these crazed writers are not just authors of science fiction, fantasy and obscure meaningless poetry as I imagined. They are not even affected by booze, drugs and mental illness. (Well not all of them.) They are just poor unfortunate writers, such as Mrs T, who have been cruelly afflicted by a terrible disease called Typo Fuckitupitus

Now there are several degrees of this Typo Fuckitupitus. Unfortunately, I am in the advanced stage. This is because I have started seeing typos and grammatical errors that don't even exist. This is where every full-stop, comma, capital letter in my entire manuscript is leaping out at me wearing striped socks, red jumpers and rotating lights whilst screaming;

ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE GOT IT RIGHT?

I have now got to the point where a heroin trip, accompanied by a bottle of  whiskey and a large joint would be like a stroll in the park.

I am, in fact, going insane. I'm developing acute paranoia. Writing a novel has turned out to be like giving birth. Only with less blood.

Well so far. That could change.

This is what happens to writers with Typo Fuckitupitus. As the author of children's picture books, this writer thought she was immune from the illness - until she found she'd spelt her own name wrong on front cover.



2 comments:

  1. "And the Band plays on......." Great word! Typo Fuckitupitus, but a Horrible condition to have. Is it treatable? If not, put a Bandaid on it a get your mind right! You're in the trenches now. Tighten up your bootstraps Miss Jane. Think about your 4th grade grammar teacher and don't go MAD. Get even! Forget about the mispellinsgs, tpyos, and poor upnctuation! Drink more, sleep less and press PUBLISH! Write On! You're good at it. Enjoyed your post.

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    1. Thanks for the words of encouragement, Mr I:) I'm not far away now - these last few hurdles have been very frustrating but I want it to be as close to perfect as it can be. No doubt, some folks will take issue with my humour so the very least I can do is not let take issue with my typos as well! (It has been professionally proofread though -Typo Fuckitupitus is affecting my brain.)

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