Okay, so this is a rant. I figure I need one. I've been working too hard and need to let off some steam.
So let's talk about equality and diversity. Now those of you who have read this blog for a long time know I'm a gentle, fair minded soul. I believe in equality. I have absolutely nothing against small people called Tom who star in major movies and who may or may not wear platforms. In fact, I defend every man's right to wear platforms. It's a free world and let's face it - some people would have difficulty looking over the sweet counter without heels.
Anyway, I recently filled out a job application form which wanted to know my sexual orientation. ( The student advisor job - see a previous rant.) Well, I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by such boldness and I felt rather like rolling up the application form and sticking it right up their backsides... then I thought that might suggest peculiar sexual fetishes so maybe that wasn't actually a good idea. Not that I have anything against rolled up application forms - just not up the backside. On the backside is a different matter of course - but let's not go there - this a clean site. Well so I keep telling Mr T. Mind you, he still thinks this is a blog about flower arranging.
So, here's a question. By asking my sexual orientation are employers/gov really monitoring statistics or are they indulging in positive discrimination? You tell me. Was I right to be a little upset? Now don't forget Readers I have been away from the job market for a long, long time so I'm used to that old fashioned concept that you select the best man or woman for the job - so why do employers need to know my sexual orientation? We have a population census every 10 years which monitor such statistics. I'm not convinced that all this statistics are used innocently - but please feel free to correct me if you think otherwise.
Despite my reservations, eventually I managed to fill in the application form by gritting my teeth and taping my mouth shut. However, I've since thought of some alternative answers to the question...
What is your sexual orientation?
Here we go...
My sexual orientation is...
1. Saturday nights after a curry and 3 glasses of wine.
2. Dangling from the ceiling.
3. I just chuck the car keys in the centre of the table and hope for the best.
4. I haven't had sex since 1991. My children are adopted and my husband got his balls torn off in a rugby match.
5. I get my kicks watching small people perform ridiculously stupid stunts whilst wearing platforms and a pretend bullet proof vest.
6. I fantasize about setting fire to Russell Brand.
7. I'm a farmer. It's a private matter.
8. I have this thing about Nutella and currant buns.
9. Somewhere in the Bahamas. Alternatively, in the kitchen so long as the lights are out and the knives are in the drawer.
10. What's sex?
Yeah, so you get the idea. I'm still a little peeved. Just how much do employers and government need to know? I guess I'm old fashioned in that I believe that some things should remain private.
You know, I think if George Orwell was alive today he'd probably be smirking.
Ps - If anyone wants to discuss their sexual orientation I am, as they say, "all ears".
Pps - Let's not be pedantic about the meaning of the word "orientation" - you all know what I mean!
PPs - any more suggestions for my next application gratefully received. And nobody mention custard.
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