I watched the American Open yesterday. Victoria Azarenka was playing Samantha Stosur in what would have been a quarter final thriller had I not had to put up with all that high pitched squealing from Azarenka. She sounded like a wild boar who'd just snorted a tonne of coke and was indulging in an orgasmic orgy with a sow. By the end of the match I'd plugged my ears with cotton wool, put on my winter woolly hat and stuck my red Christmas earmuffs with the reindeer horns on my head. I may have looked silly but at least I didn't sound as silly as Azarenka.
When it got to the third set tiebreak I was on my knees begging Samantha Stosur to just stop the game and say:
Would you mind stopping squealing like a wild boar who's just snorted a tonne of coke and is indulging in an orgasmic orgy with a sow because I just can't concentrate!
Anyway, Samantha didn't stop the match and she lost which was a great pity. And what's worse than Samantha losing was that the next match on court was Maria Sharapova and Maron Bartoli. Sharapova is also related to a wild boar. Fortunately, rain stopped play before I had to put on Mr T's deerstalker.