Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Formal Complaint about Schools

Right, what shall we talk about now that I've got my formal complaint about spots off my face. (See previous post.) I know - let's talk about the massive plank of wood that fell off the school gymnasium wall today and hit Master Ben on the head and knocked him to floor.

So shall I or shan't I ask for a copy of the accident report and the last health and safety check on the school gym equipment?

Hmm. Now let me think - the school have already got it in for Master Ben because I've brought it to their attention that certain members of their staff couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery - let alone mark a book. I may become even more unpopular than I already am but, more importantly, so might Master Ben who is already dispirited by the turn of events of the last year or so.

Hmm... I wonder if Young Master Ben will be sufficiently recovered to make his d├ębut for the county cricket team tomorrow as opening bowler. We'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I might run through a few ideas for his letter of absence for tomorrow.

Dear Sirs,

Benedict was absent on Friday due to a headache and sickness.

Benedict was absent from school yesterday as he was suffering from concussion due to being unexpectedly hit on the head.


Benedict was absent yesterday due to a large plank of wood from the wall of the school gymnasium falling on his head, causing him to be absent from school with concussion. I would be most grateful if you would ensure that the school equipment meets current health and safety standards as this incident suggests that equipment is not being regularly inspected. 


Please, please, please will you get your act together. I have had enough. Last year Ben fell two grades in literacy which is not acceptable. His books, homework and diary were marked infrequently until I brought it to your attention which is not acceptable. You never ring me when the school cricket matches are cancelled which is not acceptable and now you let my child be hit on the head by a plank of wood most likely through negligence. It is not acceptable. Once again, you have failed my child.

Yours faithfully,

Jane Turley






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