Friday, November 4, 2011

A Big Expensive Mess

I think this story  is most one of the most entertaining stories I've ever read. Certainly equal to the story about the woman who knocked herself out on her loo roll holder. 

Apparently, a cleaner in a German museum mistook an exhibit for a big mess and cleaned it  up. The exhibit was entitled "When It Starts Dripping From the Ceiling" and featured "a tower of wooden slats under which a rubber trough was placed with a thin beige layer of paint representing dried rain water."

Personally, I think the cleaner deserves an award; if the art looked like a pile of crap it probably was. It's hard to believe it had a price tag of 1.1 million dollars attached to it.

Hmm.... maybe it's an inside job. Perhaps the museum just got tired of seeing a stain on the floor and decided to fake a claim? I mean a stain on the floor and some old slats is hardly a Turner or a Picasso is it? I reckon they just got fed up with having to walk round the unsightly mess and just got some poor hausfrau to clean it up for a couple of frankfurters and a weekend break to Poland.

There's something in this "Modern Art" malarkey. I'm looking for a job and not getting anywhere. Perhaps I should rekindle my artistic ambitions? I have an A level in Art surely that must qualify me as artist??? Hmm... I don't think I was revolutionary enough though when I was studying; I should have been more creative, more innovative. I should have let myself get in touch with my deep-seated psychological disturbances and interpreted them in an abstract cosmic fashion in order to define the metamorphosis of the human mind from the embryonic stage of the foetus to a fully fledged adult in juxtaposition with the universe. A sort of metaphysical interpretation of the human mind in relation to its earth mother.

Yeah, well something like that.

You know, I have a really greasy grill pan. I'm going to call it "When it Starts Dripping From The Bacon" and send it to The Tate.

Hmm. Now I'm not sure now. "When it Starts Dripping From The Chicken" sounds  better. Oh the dilemmas, the dilemmas we artist have! I'm in such a flap now I'll have to create two greasy grill pans and compare them - then I can sell the best pan to The Tate and the one that comes second to the Germans.

No particular reason.

I think I'll have to mount the German exhibit on a very small podium. What d'you reckon?

Oh God, now I'm sure at all about the German exhibit. Maybe it should be frankfurter fat and not chicken or bacon fat?

Oh, it's so, so difficult being an artist. I'm in such a tizz now I'll have to check into rehab.

Hmm... that'll probably increase the value of my work tenfold. All I have to do now is cut off my ear and I'll never have to work again.

Genius, pure genius.


  1. German exhibit--frankfurter/bacon fat with bits of sauerkraut? And the Tate exhibit--greasy chips on newspaper, with dried bits of curry thrown around for colour?

  2. Sue - I think you have more natural artistic inclinations than I have!!

  3. Hahaha. If that art gallery only had the foresight to employ a teenage cleaner this would never have happened - because he/she wouldn't have dreamt of clearing up any 'mess' on the flooror anywhere else for that matter.

    Anna May x

  4. True - the last time my eldest son saw the floor in his room was when I hosed it down with the pressure washer:))


I am always delighted to receive comments!

My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

It's the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin... Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And...