Friday, January 29, 2010

Not Another Back Seat Driver!

I'm going to moan.

No, no, no! Not another back seat driver in the family! I can't stand it! It's bad enough Mr T huffing and puffing every time he gets into the car with me and cowering like some wounded animal and his sister hyperventilating and stabbing her foot down on an imaginary brake pedal but now I also have to put up with Master Sam moaning too. Yep, Master Sam ,who hasn't as much looked out the window for the last 18 years, unless it was to uncannily spot a MacDonald's sign, has taken to back seat driving as well. God help me!

Yep, Master Sam is not long off taking his driving test and suddenly he has become an expert in driving techniques, indicators, roundabouts... you name it has an opinion on it. It is sending me nuts! And being a bloke, he has the unhappy knack of being rather pedantic on the subject. I mean he has to go on and on and on...... until this morning Readers when Mrs T decided enough was enough. I pulled up my car and said;

"OUT!! Get out off my car! Out! Out! Out!"

And do you know what folks? When he got out on the pavement he stuck his fingers up at me! Outrageous! Now I have to admit that, fortunately, Master Sam was still rather cautious about using such a gesture at his beloved mother even in jest because he never quite knows how Mrs T is going to react - I could laugh - or I could run him over. You know - depending on whether I have PMT or not. Still, it was remarkably brave of him so I've decided not to punish him by hospitalizing this time because I have another cunning plan. Yes, the silly billy left his mobile phone in the car but alas my memory is failing so badly and I can't remember when I last saw it..... Ha, ha, ha!! He'll be sorry for treating his mother with such disrespect! Because well - A man without his gadgetry is like a lost forlorn sheep, wandering around in circles, day after day after day.

Vengeance shall be mine and shall be oh so sweet!

Hmm...It's funny how man can't find anything isn't it? (Well except what's inside their pants - which they seem to be able to find at a moments notice no matter where you are.) Yep, Mr T can have me looking for hours, days even, when he has lost something. My whole life must preoccupied searching for the one inch screw that fell out of his drill case sometime between 4pm and 5pm last Saturday afternoon.... And heaven forbid he should lose his work identity card! By God they might not let him into the building despite the fact he's worked for the same company for about 25 years, everybody knows him and he's an easily identifiable 6ft 6in ! Shocking!

On the flip side when I lose something. It goes like this;

"I've lost my car keys."

"Have you tried your handbag?"

"Yes, several times. Have you seen them anywhere?"

"Huh? (Fiddles with TV remote control.)

"Have you seen my car keys?"

"Oh right." (Pulls back ring of beer can.)

"I said, HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAR KEYS?"

"Great stuff. What time did you say dinner was?"

Huh. Men. Don't you just love 'em.

See You Soon,

Mrs T.

Ps: If you love or even if you hate Thomas the Tank Engine you can find out what I feel about noisy, rotten, greasy, no good blighter over at The View From Here.

19 comments:

  1. Uh oh, a male teenage driver emerging!! That is a fearsome beast indeed. I am SO relieved to be through that stage.

    When he was 19, my son drove his car into mine and bashed the front end. Not that I want to worry you or anything.

    Now he's 33. On Christmas Eve, when he went to get something out of the back of my van, he refused to believe the latch was inside. Like I don't know how to open the back of my own car. So he reached up above the license plate and proceeded to snap off the little light that illuminates the plate.
    He did have the good grace to look sheepish.

    But he didn't offer to fix it. Sigh.

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  2. I shall immediately go and see what you have said about the 'noisy, rotten, greasy, no-good blighter' otherwise known as Thomas the Tank Engine. Words cannot convey quite how dull those books are - I hope you will be rude and dismissive and tell it how it is!

    Back seat drivers? Men? There is just too much testosterone in the Turley household and Mrs T is outnumbered, obviously. Have you tried/would you dare to 'lose' the remote control, maybe??! Hmmn. Probably safer to buy another telly!!

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  3. What about the man who expects to find everything exactly where he left it? So, for example, if the small ladle is hanging up on the hook where the big ladle should be hanging, he pretends he can't find it. (The hooks are next to each other...)
    Or if the potato masher has gone in the second drawer down as opposed to the third drawer down, then obviously it is NOWHERE TO BE SEEN...

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  4. Marie,

    He didn't offer to fix it?! He needs his botty slapping! What a Christmas gift!

    Men are a breed to themselves, especially when it comes to cars. Nuts. They have names for them and stuff..how weird is that? I just call mine "Car" - cos you know it gets me from A to B and has wheels....Mr T calls his car "Bessie". God bless him - I suppose it's better than Kylie or Fifi I suppose.......

    Mrs B,

    I always have plenty to say about Thomas The tank Engine:) But after giving him a right pasting I was forced under due pressure, (ie in the cause of Freedom, Democracy and Liberty) to stand up for him whilst kicking the arse of some silly left wing politically correct fruticake :)Some things just have to be done:)

    Oh Mr T loses the remote control almost daily and then looks around in complete bewildement as if I've been sitting on my arse watching daytime TV and then hidden it! I never ever watch day time TV! I don't even turn the telly on! Needless to say I usually find the remote within about 30 secs which is normally to be found where he left it last......:)

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  5. Ah yes Mrs BadgerBounce that is a scenario I am familar with! "Vie must have order in zie kitchen and make ze trains run on time!!

    I swear all men are decendant from the Aryans....

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  6. Oh no, you're not going to get onto this one. What about when asked "Where have you put the [insert familiar object]?" and the response is "It's in the cupboard". Well we have at least 10 cupboards in the kitchen... a better clue would be best.

    And don't try to tell me that you don't randomly move stuff between cupboards just to make us look even more stupid. I'll have just learned where something is kept and once she realises I now know where it is... it suddenly moves to a location where... yes you're right "It's always been kept there"!!!

    WOMEN!

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  7. Selective hearing. It's the only way to watch any footbal. eh? What? Yeah, yeah. What did I just say? When? Just now? Just now. Yes just now. Em, em, what was it again?!

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  8. Randomly moving stuff eh Roxy? Look, variety is the spice of life! I used to enjoy looking through my cupboards hunting for the baked beans - it was fun! Now my fun has been ruined as Mr T insists that the all jars and tins are separated and facing the right way in the right order...... I mean how dull is that? Where's the excitement always knowing the beans are in the same place and a jar of curry isn't going to leap out at you?! I've made some fantastic dishes just picking up the wrong jar/tin.... the likes of which will never be seen again!

    Ps - Good to see your feeds are working correctly now:)

    Now then Gary.

    Yeah, I know all about selective hearing. Men never hear woman unless we mention the words sex or suspenders in which case you're up and looking lively at a moment's notice:) Soooo predictable:)

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  9. Excuse me?

    I'm not that predictable.

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  10. Sooooo you're not interested in sex and suspenders Georgie???? Is that what you're saying? And you pay attention to Mrs G all the time?!

    Hmm...this is incredible! I've never heard of such a thing!!

    Ps.. I don't actually mind a guy interested in sex..it's when they're interested in the bean tins I get worried:))

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  11. Hmm.

    That's probably the safest thing for me to say... retreat being the better part of valour in a gender war.

    Hmm.

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  12. But selective hearing can be so useful at times. When I have to give news to my husband, which has to be done, and I don't particularly want him to remember said news, I usually do that when he's busy and I'm 100% sure it's going to be selective hearing :-)

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  13. So you like to play safe PB?! Come now, give me your best shot!

    Sue, You are a gem! I never thought of that! I am going to try out it asap - I feel a shopping expedition coming on.....

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  14. Hmmm. Something tells me your husband might be a back-seat driver?
    : )

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  15. Wouldn't matter what shot I took, Mrs T. Experience tells me that the rules of engagement would change and the Geneva Convention would be ignored.

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  16. Lawyer Mom,

    Yeah, but it's the cowering against the window that gets me - like it's gonna save him! Ha!

    PB,

    Ohhhhhh I am wounded - to be cast in the same boat as the Nazis! Oh woe, woe is me!! Right, the gloves are off........!

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  17. Wow,

    I gotta do six word comments more often.

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  18. back seat drivers+men are sure disasters. My husband angled his leg and pressed on the brake while I was driving ( I was a newbie) and snatched the steering wheel. The result was that we crashed into somebody's fence and I refused to drive again . Now why he did what he did is still a mystery.

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  19. G,

    True:)

    Mrs G, (Eve's lungs not G's Mrs G! - Confused? I am!)

    My heart bleeds for you Mrs G... why that is far, far worse than anything Mr T has done! Now Mrs T says, take courage and have another bash! (Not at the fence obviously but at driving.) You will regain your confidence - I didn't learn till my thirties and now according to Master Ben I am braver than The Stig! (He's the racing driver on the TV show Top Gear!)

    I advise not having Mr G as your instructor though - he's obviously a bit paranoid:)


    Hmm... on second thoughts "a bit paranoid" maybe an inadequate term:))

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