Sunday, August 16, 2009

Shocking, Disturbing News!

Oh my goodness, I have just had some deeply disturbing news! My good friend Mrs D, in whose villa we are staying in Cyprus, has sent me a highly informative document with all the relevant info we will need for our stay - from taxi firms, supermarkets and tourist locations to telephone numbers, doctors surgeries and, of course, of vital importance - the location of the iron. It is an extremely thorough document and obviously designed for a complete thicko such as my good self who hasn't the vaguest idea about what she should be doing. In fact I'm still wondering what size of suitcase to buy for myself... and we leave in a week's time. Oh dear!

Anyway, I was taking all of this in my stride until I read the following...

"Next to the toilets there are bins. It is not recommended that you flush the toilet paper down the toilet, this is common in Cyprus so please use the bins provided. There are several large bins at the start of the estate for all to use and they are usually emptied twice weekly. There are more bin liners of many sizes in the cupboard under the sink."

Ohhhhh my God! What am I to do? Has Mrs D forgotten that I have 3 sons who could compete with Zeus for the title of Toilet King?! And as for the good Mr T......Heaven help me! I shall be emptying the bins daily, perhaps hourly and forced to wear the nose peg, gas mask and decontamination suit that I normally save for emergency loose bowel situations.

Ohh woe, woe is me!

I sincerely hope these bins have been constructed on a par with a nuclear reactor otherwise there maybe a sudden population decline in Cyprus during our stay.

Right, I know it's late at night but I gotta go... I just need to checkout the cost of bulk ordering fragrant nappy sacks online. Hmm. Maybe I can just get them shipped straight to Cyprus?

Gez, a woman's work is never done.......


  1. It's good to see that at least you know your place :) :) :)

  2. Yeah Roxy, whilst I may put up a fight in most areas considered a woman's duty when shit happens I definately know my place:)

  3. Sounds like some parts of Mexico where plumbing hasn't quite caught up with our "modern conveniences" like toilet paper... I would encourage your boys not to flush by accident -that could create a vastly unpleasant situation.
    Hope you're having a wonderful time!!

  4. Maybe that's what the iron is for: to hit yourself over the head before you change the bin liners. :~0

  5. Hmm Mrs T - I'd be in the same situation as you viz-a-viz toilet paper and bins!! What is it about the male species and toilet paper -I'm convinced the male inhabitants of my household do countless other things with toilet rolls/paper. No doubt you can think of a few!
    Good luck with donning the decontamination gear in 35 degree heat!!

  6. OK Don't panic. You have time before you go to put everyone on a detox.

    Then - from say, the day before you fly,implement a liquid only diet - obviously beer for Mr T and whatever else the boys will drink. Make sure there are no protein drinks or anything with fibre and keep it up while in Cyprus.

    Should eliminate the problem.

  7. All the best to you Mrs. T. Maybe large bottles of wine (just fro you) will help.

  8. Heather,

    Thanks for the good wishes! Believe me, I shall constantly be reminding the boys of the protocol - the thought of an emergency sewerage situation does not appeal!


    An excellent idea Paul but damaging the iron so that it doesn't smooth the Good Mr T's shirts to a suitable standard is not a proposition that I savour:) (Well not if I want to stay alive - otherwise it sounds most enticing!)

    Mrs M,

    Ah yes Mrs M, 35 degrees in my decontamination suit could be a little stifling:) I think I can manage it though. I may even do a little thespian acting by the pool side and pretend there's an outbreak of swine flu - I understand one has to stoop low to stop the German's blitzkrieging the sun loungers:)

    Mrs A,

    Hmm...yes...I'm already imagining how long I can go without food and how svelte like I shall be on my return:)

    Mr T will be okay on a beer diet, I'm not sure about the young masters - maybe melted ice cream and sea water?


    The perfect solution! Why didn't I think of that before? - I get plastered for 2 weeks and don't notice a thing. Excellent!

  9. Oh my gosh, I haven't been to your blog in forever and yet you still have me in stitches with the very first post!

    I couldn't imagine not being able to flush the nasties down the toilet after use. I think I might be mortified.

    I sure have missed your witty ways, and I really dig the new look!

    Obviously I can't let as much time lapse between visits. It's just too amusing!

    Enjoy your vacation!

  10. Hi Jane, I have been AWOL from the blog world in the past few weeks. Will catch up with the earlier posts while you are on vacation. This is hilarious. I look forward to some riotous posts when you return.
    Meantime have a great Vacation.

  11. Hello Michele - welcome back! I'm back from my holiday and catching up on things. (I am also revelling in using bathroom - no guesses why - but it sure feels like heaven!)

  12. Hi Usha,

    Great to see you! Hey, we all need a break from the blogosphere at times. Even me - that's when Mr T manages to get rid of the superglue I've used to attach my fingers to the keypad.

    I look forward to seeing you around and catching up on your blog too.

    Ps - I have plenty to say about toliets:))


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