Sunday, September 21, 2008

Somebody tell George to stay inside!

Oh blimey, George Michael has been at it again! As if it wasn’t bad enough being caught red handed (excuse the pun) in a public toilet in LA back in 1998 he’s now just be caught with crack cocaine in the loos on Hampstead Heath!

I find it strange that someone as handsome, rich and as supremely talented as George feels the need to exp
ose himself this way. Maybe its part of his creative process, maybe he’s lonely, maybe with his fame he doesn’t trust those who surround him and seeks solace in sex and drugs. Who knows. The reasoning is his and his alone. I guess he’s had some tumultuous times in his life that perhaps money and fame have only exacerbated. I’d rather like to see him reach that stage in life where he is at peace with himself and sooner rather than later.

But hey, George is one talented singer/songwriter and when I listen to his music all I
hear and feel is someone who is multifaceted, who feels deeply, who is a musical poet. His music has the ability to make me want to get up and groove when I hear a song like Club Tropicana and then marvel at his sensitivity with a song like Careless Whispers. Boy is he one hell of an entertainer!

(Mrs A is now turning up Handel’s Water Music to full volume…)

Now I have a little story from way back when Wham were at their height in the 1980s and before his homosexuality was public knowledge. When he was one hot piece of male totty and drooled over by every sane woman. Mmm.. .could he move his hips! What rhythm ladies eh? Oooh I’ve come over all giddy just thinking about it!

Anyway, one day one of Mr T’s female colleagues, who was a bit of a tough cookie and working in high pressure job, pulls in at a petrol station with her girlfriend in the passenger seat. She fills up and the two of them get some goodies in the shop and head for the checkout. Well, guess who is there and paying for his petrol… yep…..

George Michael

Now the young lady is flabbergasted, her mouth falls open , her cheeks flush red. George sees her and being polite is waiting for her to say something…..

And what does she say? Have a guess? Does she say;

A) Oh George, I’m your no 1 fan. Can I have your autograph please?

B) I love, I love I love you! Take me to bed and marry me!

C) Here are my knickers.

D) Can I pay for your petrol?

Nope, she says none of these. Miss Hotshot is completely tongue tied and all she can splurt out is;

“I’m from Newcastle and me mate’s from Scunthorpe.”

Wow!! What an opening line…. I bet George was really impressed! Somehow I don’t think she got lucky that night…..….

Anyway, that brings me round to the idea that if I were to ever meet the lovely Pierce I should
be prepared with my opening line to hook him. Now here’s a few of my suggestions;

1. That’s a lovely Pension Card you’ve got there Pierce, can I help you across the road?

2. My name’s Turley, Jane Turley. I’m an expert with guns; would you like me to show you?

3. I’m Pussy Turley. Come and fly with me…

4. Just call me Honey. I have a lovely pair of shells……..

5. Pierce, Pierce, take me, take me! I’m yours!

6. Here are my knickers.

7. Here is my bra and my knickers

8. I practice yoga. Can I demonstrate for you?

9. Are those X-ray specs Mr Brosnan? (Embarrassed giggles)

10. So we meet at last Mr Bond…..

11. I hear you have a golden gun ….

12. Oh, I’m so sorry my knickers seem to have fallen off…..

13. Here’s my front door key….

14. Here’s my back door key

15. Here’s my divorce papers

16. You are so much BIGGER in real life……

What d’you reckon? Any more ideas out there? (And don't tell me to stay inside.)

Copyright Jane Turley2008

Ps.. It's 100 years since Ian Fleming was born; if you are a Bond fan you can check out this great informative site by
The Times Online


  1. You know that L'Oreal Vita Lift, Pierce? Why is it half orange, half white? Why?

  2. Hmm.. an interesting concept Mrs A but the idea is for me to pick Mr Brosnan up, not to interrogate him about beauty products.

    Although the interrogation bit does sound rather good....

  3. Hello Pierce. Tell me - is Thomas Crown 2 (out next year) going to be as insufferably smug as the first one?

  4. Line no 10 seems perfect specially when intoned in a sexy husky voice. And that is the one I am going to use while you stay inside. If not I will bribe Master Sy to tie you up all over again.
    And I will tell pierce all about how my bloig is named
    Bond, ageless bond.

  5. Yes, it is indeed Mrs A. In fact it will be supremely insufferably smug.

    Oh, And please tell the gorgeous, sexy Mrs T that I'm waiting on the corner of Regent Street for her...

  6. Will do - is that the one in Leighton Buzzard or the one in London?

  7. Keep your hands off her Brosnan! She's mine; nobody turns down a hot chick like Mrs T!

  8. Usha,

    Mrs T is never, never going inside again. I have only just escaped! And it was very, very hard work tying those pipe cleaners together and scaling down three floors...

    £5.00 and a bar of choccy by airmail if you change that blog title Usha! It has a very appealing manner about it....

  9. My Dear Mrs A,

    I don't "do" Leighton Buzzard....

  10. This was hilarious ;o)) George is quite the talent, and like you wrote, it is too bad that he keeps getting himself into these messes.

  11. Thanks Tamera,

    Yep George has such musical talent. Let's hope he keeps on using it and doesn't lose his way. Fingers crossed.

  12. I think if you were to meet Pierce, you would blurt out "Hi, I am from Leighton Buzzard and I've got a volvo!" or something like that. Then he would raise an eyebrow and say "wanna see my gadget?" and you would say "fsjvoionvaonvornvor", dribble, fall on the floor and be resucitated by the local tramp. Pierce at this point is nowhere to be seen and is playing with his gadget on his own.

  13. Master Sy, please credit me with more inventivenes than that! And if by small chance I was struck dumb, I feel sure I could come up with some suitable sign language...

  14. Yes but Mrs T, standing there and pointing at him and making the universal sign language for w***er may backfire a little bit when you abuse him...

  15. "Why Pierce, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

    lol Thanks, Mae!! That is my favorite repsonse to everything.

  16. Master Sy...Mrs T will give Mr Brosnan all the respect and attention that is deserving of a multi millionaire handsome film star with a big gun and some explosives...

    Marie, excellent, excellent. the old ones are always the best. (Except when it comes to men and then I definately prefer a yonger model.)


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