Monday, April 2, 2018

April A to Z: B is for Balderdash

In a previous A to Z I talked about “bullshit”, and today I have decided to talk about something in a similar vein which may not be in common usage abroad and is not heard much these days in the UK either.

Balderdash.

Now “balderdash” ”is not, as you might expect, a word to describe a bald-headed marathon runner.

(Although the idea has interesting possibilities for one of my future stories.)

It is a word to describe incontinence.

Oh wait a minute, that's “bladderdash”.

Blast. I should have started writing about “bladderdash” as that is something I know a lot about. In fact, invariably, most woman over fifty who have had a baby know about "bladderdash."

As it happens, I know more about "bladderdash" than most as I've had three children. My bladder now has more holes in it  than my kitchen sieve. If I cough, alarms sound on the Thames floodgates. I’ve also invested in shares in Tena Ladies as I am fairly confident by the time I’ve hit sixty I will be bulk ordering incontinence pads from Amazon on a monthly basis. At the moment, I can manage bi-monthly orders which is not so bad. However, the downside is it's rather depressing to keep receiving
marketing emails from Amazon suggesting I purchase portaloos and or buy a subscription to Incontinence Weekly.

What is it with Amazon? They know my every move. They are like Orwell’s Big Brother. I swear they have a little man inside my PC who is just constantly monitoring my every click. I think they are working in partnership with the CIA and MI5. In fact, I’m going to test this theory by putting AK47 in the Amazon search bar and seeing how long it takes until a SWAT team turns up on my doorstep.

Okay, let’s test my theory.

A K 4....7

Okay, what was I meant to talking about? Oh yes “balderdash”... well “balderdash” is an unusual world which means......


Oh fuck...... no....... oh Jesus ....no....please...get your hands off me! I swear to God I am not a member of ISIS.......

And I haven’t got any firearms...or Semtex... you can check my bedside table! I just have a copy of Incontinence Weekly.

Yeah. Okay, I promise I’ll never put AK47 in the Amazon toolbar again. I promise.

Thank you, thank you, thank you... say hello to Mr Trump for me. I love him.

No, seriously I do! I love him and the wig. It's awesome. Okay... thank you. Thank you. Bye.


Sorry about that interruption, folks. I had an unexpected visit from some sly bastards very nice men.

So "balderdash" it means "Nonsense" which is pretty much what I write on this blog. Except when I'm fed up in which case I can write anything from a political diatribe to a haiku.

Stay tuned if you want to expect the unexpected on the A to Z.



17 comments:

  1. Woooaaah! Balderdash is a favourite word, and I like your tongue in cheek interpretations. Good to be here and I enjoyed the laughs. Cheerio!

    Natasha
    natashamusing

    April Abecdotes
    Burden or Unburden

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  2. oops, excuse the typo April Anecdotes** Now that was some balderdash -Abecdotes ;-))

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    1. Welcome Natasha.:) Typos are not unusual here in my blog! I have a good track record in that department. Lol.

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  3. I laughed all the way through that! Definitely bookmarking your site for the rest of atoz.


    Amazon is tracking us. But now that we have written that they know that we know. But do they know that we know that they know?....chanelling balderdash

    Bodylicious @NamySaysSo

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    1. Delighted you enjoyed my post, Namratha. And channel as much Balderdash as you can my way. It’s good for the soul!

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  4. You made me laugh - I've had children, but been lucky in the bladder department, which is extremely good news from the sound of it as I have an irritating cough caused my gastric reflux, probably i'm sure attributable to childbirth. Imagine if you had both! Love the word balderdash. I'm doing Z-A. http://www.poetryroundabout.com

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    1. I sympathise with the gastric reflux, Liz. I have it too as a result of a hiatus hernia. Maybe there’s a blog post in that too! Welcome to my blog:)

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  5. Balderdash "a word to describe a bald-headed marathon runner". Love it!

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  6. Can definitely empathise with the bladderdash. Keep the balderdash coming!

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    1. I’m working on the Balderdash, Wendy. A year of silence and I’m ready to pop😁

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  7. Great fun :-)
    https://iainkellywriting.com/2018/04/02/b-is-for-birkirkara-malta/

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  8. Balderdash is such a fun word to say. I feel like I need to incorporate it into my vocab today.
    Once Upon a Time

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  9. Great Blog, and as a special gift to honor your blog, we here in the States will send you Trump to help you write......you might have to open a few twitter accounts first....good luck!

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    1. Oh that would be a special gift indeed, Zulu Delta. And one which rather tickles my fancy!

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