Mike: Sorry can you hear somebody laughing? A kind of evil chuckle? No? O well okay.. um a literary casting couch? No, never heard of that do tell me all you know! I have heard stories of agents getting author photos enclosed with submissions - you know the types –here’s me in Barbados on my holidays – on the beach – with palm trees in the background – a clear sky above me - with my bikini – my mouth slightly open - look at my wonderful breasts – do you like my sample chapters - there’s more you can sample if you want.
‘In my day I used to scoop out coal my ma put in sandwiches, sell it to butcher and use money to buy stamp to post my novel to publisher. Fifty years later and five tonnes of coal fuelled stamps I got my first publishing deal. Got £750 (I think) for it, did a single interview to publicise it, watched the book just about scramble into paperback, savoured the moment and bought back the coal.’
2) The kid’s homework – I think that speaks for itself – GRRR.
3) A local advert for Tiger cars ( GRRR ) which repeats their phone number about a million times until you want to scream – my kids love taunting me with it – bless them.