Monday, February 20, 2012

Bored, bored, bored

I'm bored. Can you tell? Well, what does one do in the early hours when everyone else is asleep and you don't want to do the ironing and your brain is kaput - but fiddle around with the template on one's blog.

Excellent therapy. Alcohol would be good therapy too but unfortunately I have to drive first thing tomorrow morning. Humph.

I'm not one for self pity (oh all right I am) but blimey the last couple of weeks have been some of my worst ever. Far too tedious to go into details - but let's just say I was contemplating throwing myself out of the window until I remembered we don't live in a high rise flat. Knowing my luck, if I had thrown myself out I'd have ended up being even more pissed off having to hobble around on crutches - cos that's the kind of thing that happens when you chuck yourself out the window in an impetuous fit and find yourself embedded two foot below the windowsill in the pot plants.

So when you're feeling down it's always good to think of positive things. So let's think....

I am not dead. Yeah, that's a good one. I mean being dead could be a real pisser. Especially if there turns out to be no afterlife - well not that you'd know about it. Now that's a double whammy if you ask me.

I could have put on more weight. (Hmm... could be kidding myself there - there's only so much one can put on in two weeks without spontaneously combusting.)

I haven't reversed into any cars, people, cats, bins, lamp posts and gates for some considerable time. (That's as much as I'm prepared to qualify.)

I love listening to Rick laugh on Pawn Stars. He's great. Have you seen that show? It's like the UK Antiques Roadshow - only it's interesting. I'm not saying Antiques Roadshow isn't  interesting at all - but I've got to the point where I could spot a piece of FabergĂ© at hundred paces. Anyway, I'm bored watching skinny Fiona Bruce fawning over filigree china - even if there's no interesting stuff on Pawn Stars (and there usually is) I can spend the entire programme just trying to work out how many Big Macs Rick, Big Huss, Chumlee and The Old Man have eaten in the last week/month/year/eternity. And that isn't an easy job.

I have started writing a new novel. It's a comedy. I think it's gonna be good. I haven't quite figured how I write comedy when I feel crap. I must have a disorder. You're supposed to write poetry and literary masterpieces - and I write comedy. Life is so unfair. I am destined never to be a literary genius. Harlequin Mills and Boon here I come.

Right that's it. I got up at 1am and now it's nearly 4am. Crikey, I've spent all that time messing around on my blog when I could've watched six episodes of  Pawn Stars.


  1. Oh Jane, I can totally relate. I don't sleep at night anymore. I am like a vampire. And then I fall asleep without warning during the day. Thud! My face lands on my keyboard.

    Last time I messed around with my template, I couldn't get it back to what I wanted, so now I'm stuck with one I hate. I have to give it another try.

    I am sending you all possible good thoughts for whatever is troubling you. And virtual hugs. I wish I was closer so we could knock back multiple martinis and laugh in the face of fate. I mean, so we could have a lovely cuppa like the decorous ladies we are. ha ha ha ha Screw that, bring on the booze!

    Hang in there, my friend. xoxo

  2. You know Marie, I still my old leggy template best which just disappeared one day! I can't be bothered to try and reinstate it now but it was the one I feel that best suited my blog. One day I might just build my won website that I can fully customize.

    Thanks for those supportive words:) I really did wish we lived closer as I know we'd have one hell of a laugh. In the meantime, I'll keep writing and hope I blow the blues away:) I just thank god I was blessed with a sense of humour.

  3. I was never a really big fan of that show only because it seemed so pedestrian and repetitive. My speed is the show "Hardcore Pawn", 'cause its way more interesting, simply because there's an underlying plotline to the entire show.

  4. I've never heard of that one G - maybe we don't get it over here yet but if it's better than Pawn Stars I'm up for it! If you find Pawn Stars dull though - you'd probably fall asleep during the Antiques Road Show:)

  5. Yikes, just watched a few clips of Hardcore Pawn on YouTube G. Obviously those are highlights but I reckon after about 30 mins of that stuff I'd need to put my boxing gloves on!

  6. Absolutely KEEP WRITING!! (I meant to add that earlier but I think I fell asleep, lol) Writing is the key to keeping sane, putting things in perspective, sharing your wonderful self with the world. :) I can't wait for the day you are on the Booker list. :D

    Also I meant to add, speaking of TV program obsessions, mine currently is Hoarders, an American show about people who live in filth and overwhelming junk. It is horrifying and makes me feel better about my own house in equal measures. I watched about 15 episodes consecutively one weekend and my self esteem rose several points.

    God, Jane, we WOULD have some laughs, wouldn't we?!?! Maybe some day...

  7. Writing is definitely the only thing that keeps me sane Marie. I'll never make the Booker though - not unless they make a new an award for fantastical gibberish:)

    Oh, we have a programme like Hoarders over here - it's fascinating stuff - but also quite sad as I think in some of the severe cases some of the folks are mentally unbalanced:(

    Says me:)))

    You never know what the future holds but I like to think we will meet. (So long as the sodding plane doesn't crash en route!)

  8. Don't limit yourself - the Booker Prize would be lucky to have you.

    Hoarders - definite mental illness. Sad.

    And the sodding plane will only crash if I'm sodding on it. So as long as you travel separately, you will be safe. :) Here's to our future meeting!

  9. Marie, you're a sweetie but as the great Clint Eastwood said "A man's got to know his limitations" !

    I'll be happy just to write something daft and raise a few smiles:)

    A separate plane it is then - now all I have to do is watch out for the volcanic ash:))

  10. Jane, do hope you're feeling better now. And keep writing, can't wait for the comedy!
    Btw, the best comedians are supposed to be like that--being comic when they feel like crap.

  11. Thank you Sue - I am feeling much better this week:) I am also spending a lot more time writing which always makes me fell much better:)


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