I haven't written to you in a really really long time but this year I have a very special request. I am desperate. I have not been able to find what I want anywhere and I need some help.
Please, please, please, please can I have some jeans that fit? You know - those ones that stay up without a belt and super glue and don't regularly fall down showing your arse to the whole world.
I don't think it's much to ask and I have been a (fairly) good girl this year and well I don't really want to trouble Him Upstairs. Cos the chance is he's more into robes and wings and stuff and I reckon on your 364 days off you probably ditch that red gear and wear faded denims. You probably look really cool - a bit like a trendy Kenny Rogers. Only with Reindeer and an unhealthy interest in elves.
Thanks - I'll leave out a really big mince pie.