Oh dear. I had another dream last night which, unfortunately, was not about Huw Grant, but something far more worrying. It was about..
Babies. Yes, babies.
I never dream about babies and that kind of stuff. Why now??? I know I'm a bit stressed at the moment with it being the school holidays and the fact that I am actually for once seriously contemplating going back out to work but even so....dreams about babies??? That's the stuff nightmares are made of...
So I give birth during the night at home. (Luckily, in my dream I didn't dream the labour bit otherwise Mr T might have woken with a heart attack as I screamed "No, not stitches. Anything but the stitches! And get your hand away from my backside! A woman's backside is her own private kingdom!") So anyway, I give birth and Mr T quickly takes the baby away and puts it in the next room whilst I fall into a long, deep sleep. (Wishful thinking on my part. The day I get a long deep sleep will be the day I peg it.)
I wake up the next morning and fall into panic as I have slept for hours and not fed the baby and imagine it frail and weak. I dash into the next room, expecting the worst but, sitting upright in a cot, in the most beautiful bouncing baby, all smiling and cheerful and who looks about 10 months old. Ahhhhhhh. My panic begins to fade even though I know that apart from the cot I have no equipment, no pram and no clothing for this baby as luckily I do have the one thing a baby really needs from it's mother...
Yep, so I lean forward, boobs exposed, my baby looks up at me and opens his mouth wide, beaming as he waits for his milk. It is then that the true horror of the dream really hits me....
My baby has TEETH.
He even has BACK TEETH.
Humph. My dreams are so unfair. Breastfeeding babies with teeth? It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well there you go. Yet more insight into the strange mind of Mrs T. If anyone wants to analyse that dream feel free to do so. I hastened to add that a) I am not pregnant and do not want to be pregnant and b) There isn't any chance at all of me being pregnant since Mr T encountered the evil hands of "The Butcher" and c) I am not on drugs of any description (although you may find that hard to believe.)