I've decided I need a pen name or a pseudonym, call it what you will.
Last night I started to read through some women's magazines with a view to sending in some short stories I'd written and I realised my stories were.... probably too good. (Take everything I say with a pinch of salt, Readers.) I need to dumb them down! Yep, I need to add in a few stray dogs, some cardboard elephants (yes, they did actually appear in one story I read) or a cat stuck up a chimney. In all probability the heroine should also fall over/fall out of a boat/fall off stage so that she can be kissed by the hero in a moment of mad impetuousness. She should also work in a either a cake shop, a florists or own a small holding in the Scottish highlands where she weaves yarn for a living.
Oh, and it would also help if she has been tragically bereaved.
I want to shoot myself. My writing is not designed for women's magazines.
In fact, I don't think it is designed for anyone but me. Hmm..bit of a problem if you want a career as a writer....
Anyway, I'm going to test the waters with two stories, so I need a pen name so I don't die from excrutiating embarrassment if they ever get published. So give it your best shot, Readers. The winner gets access to my secret love child with Arnold Schwarzengger.....