Friday, July 4, 2008

Knowledge & Music

Now Mrs T has a little announcement.

Firstly, no, I’m not pregnant! In fact, I’d rather smear myself in lard and climb in the Lion’s den at London zoo than live through another pregnancy. The only benefit about being pregnant is the excuse one has for “eating for two” which unfortunately backfires when you realise that it is a HUGE fib put out about by the likes of Sheila Kitzinger that all the weight will dramatically fall off you if you breast feed. Lies, all lies! And what’s more it actively encourages you to become addicted to lovely fattening goodies you wouldn’t normally have eaten. (Well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!)

Now what was that announcement? Ah yes…. Pierce and I……..

Oh no it was the other one…..

Now Mrs T has very kindly been invited by Mike French of The View From Here to administer its associate Book Readers Group run on Blog Catalog. Basically, I will be initiating some discussions on Books and perhaps fuelling them in the calm, rational and thoughtful way I write my blog. It depends what mood I am in whether I’ll be serious or frivolous; I never know; it depends on the quality of the chocolate. Today I’m in a hip hop boogaloo mood though. That’s because I’m also listening to my favourite song at the moment which currently a big hit over here. It is so funky I’ve had do dance around my kitchen tossing those tins of baked beans non stop for the last 24 hours. I think all you folks will like it too. Hey maybe we can all boogie together around our PCs and start a new dance trend! Here it is, I think you’ll enjoy it;

That was good eh? Anyway back to the books. I have to say I am a little nervous about having this role as there has been a huge gap in my reading over the last 15 years or so whilst I’ve been attending to the Young Masters. (Who regrettably weren’t that accommodating in their sleeping patterns and as a result have left me in the manner you have been accustomed at finding me; disturbed.) I am of course an expert in children’s books (Ho, ho) but when it comes to great novels of the last 15 years I am a dunce. So I’ve started a discussion thread over at The Book Readers Group for folks to nominate the one book I should have read in these missing years so if you want to come over and join in I would be most happy to see you! I know many of you out there are great readers so why not share some of your enthusiasm and knowledge with Mrs T...

In the meantime, I've gotta dash it’s Shark SoufflĂ© for Tea…

Copyright Jane Turley2008


  1. I'm not going over there - they are on about Kurt Vonnegut already...

    Anyway I think I have a grip on North and South. It's Pride and Prejudice in Manchester and I feel I have probably missed out on not seeing Richard Armitage in the TV series.

  2. A interesting remark Mrs A! Perhaps you would like to fill me in on Kurt Vonnegut in your own inimitable style? Indeed, even a little repartee between Mr PB and yourself would I'm sure be most amusing!

    I have ordered my copy of N&S and shall pick it up today. P & P in Manchester? Is that possible? Surely not! It is sounding like we should get a DVD and watch the delectable Richard Armitage in stead....

  3. There is a weird embedded video clip on this post which frankly Mrs T, I am afraid to click on. I feel it is going to bring nothing bad badness to my head.

    I had requested that YouTube remove the clip from their site on grounds of my ears should just not have to watch it, and my eyes not see it. I would do the same should a clip of Eastenders, Emerdale shite or Coronation crap be posted on the site.

    Have shame Mrs T. Have shame. Master Sy is most unhappy with you. Sometimes it is just wrong to shake your booty.

  4. Good Morning Master Sy !

    Should Mrs T ever refer to those soap operas you mention you have my full permission to toss me in a vat of boiling tar, cover me with feathers and proclaim to the world that I have completely lost it.

    But in relation to video clip Mrs T knows Master Sy is a big heavy metal fan but he must learn to appreciate that ladies often like more rhythmic music. We are not accustomed to shaking our heads up and down at extrordinary speeds. (And with my dandruff problem that could be embarrasing.)

    Yes, I suppose it exceedingly dangerous for Mrs T to shake her booty,( bearing in mind the possible consequences as per her Great Escape.) However, Mrs T being somewhat young at heart, and hip hop trendy just can't help herself and her booty takes takes on a life of it's own...

  5. You use a hairbrush as a microphone dont you! Go on, it is safe to admit it. We all know the answer already anyway...

  6. Oh Damn it - I've been caught out again! You are far too clever Master Sy !

    ( Actually, it's a cucumber but don't tell anyone.)

  7. Miss Jayne... Greetings! I giggle at the thought of you shaking your booty around the house. Must be something to see indeed! I'm sure you can move it a bit when necessary. "Closer" a catchy tune! A suggestive video. Maybe I'll get up from my desk and shake it a bit myself! No laughing!

  8. A welcome return Mr I ! Now I've had an image of you as classy, sophisticated gentleman perhaps indulging in the occasional waltz at the annual ball so it's kinda refreshing to imagine you thowing your paperclips to the wind and "getting down" in your office! Maybe you'll even do a few spins in your revolving chair...Oh tee, hee....

  9. Covered in lard, tossed in tar, covered in feathers ... oh dear, I really do think you got the wrong idea about my culinary advice, and I may well have to replace much of the original text of S&N with a few recipes and more detailed advice after all.

    As for Mrs A, do I sense a philistine lurking hereabouts? Elizabeth Gaskell is all well and good, but preferring 'North and South' to 'Slaughterhouse 5' is a bit like preferring dried-out roast beef and Yorshire pudding (or would that be Lancashire Hot Pot?) to an hors d'oeuvres of marinated olives and oyster shots, followed by chargrilled salmon on a bed of rocket and served with hasselback potatoes and a light fennel and caper sauce, with a dessert of citrus sorbet and a slice of 'Death by Chocolate'. No comparison!

  10. Believe me PB.. There is NO pleasing Mrs A !!! A more critical, cynical woman does not exist! Now Mrs A has very generously offered to proof read my manuscript and as yet I have not given it to her as I am quaking in my boots at the very thought - The ridicule! The searing knife through the heart ! Would Mrs T be forced to throw herself off London Bridge?? (Don't answer that.)

    Whilst the beef and yorkshire pudding meal sounds remarkably like my own abysmal cooking..the other sounds delicious! This makes me fearful that your next bookis actually a cook book and that you are a celebrity chef in disguise - in which case PB I would have to shoot you.

    (I don't muck around - if you've got a dirty job to do just to do it. Or alternatively - leave it for someone else.)

  11. Hmm ... being coated in lard and thrown to the lions, or shot? So many choices, so few lives to waste them on.

  12. Ah yes PB and we haven't even mentioned defenestration !!

    How about all three... being shot, smeared with lard and pushed from the window into the lion's den ... perhaps to be served up with a nice rocket side salad....

    You know I think we should just forget about Elizabeth Gaskill and Kurt Vonnegut... this is way more interesting !!

  13. "He meets, and is later kidnapped by, aliens from the planet Tralfamadore, who exhibit him in a Tralfamadorian zoo with Montana Wildhack, a pornographic movie star."

    Well I suppose that doesn't happen in North and South...(Although I am only halfway through, so could be wrong...)

  14. I completely agree, Mrs. T. We ladies need to shake a leg once in a moon, or so. I tried a hip-hop to heavy metal once, and I stumbled into a street pole. A terrible sight. It was my first and last meeting with tequila.

  15. That's definitely offering value for money, Mrs T. Provide a slice of 'Death by Chocolate' to begin with and I think those crazy Elizabethans, with their hanging, drawing and quartering, will realise they've been outclassed---it'll add a moment of poetry to the whole experience.

    Mrs A., I hate to spoil 'North and South' for you, but the Tralfamadorians do arrive. However, they find Manchester way too depressing and can't quite get over the fact that it always seems to be raining (at all points in time) and so decide to construct an inter-galactic bypass that necessitates the demolition of the entire town (well, in fact the entire planet) ... or is that Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy?

  16. Yes I got to that bit on the train last night and was so gripped I had to read on, thus mistakenly ending up in Northampton... But it was almost worth it to read that Margaret Hale and the striking mill workers take refuge from the Tralfamadorians in Workhouse 5.

    Meanwhile ruggedly handsome mill owner John Thornton, who has taken out his fob watch to check whether it's teatime yet, accidentally triggers the Gallifreyan DNA masking hardware and realises that he is indeed a Time Lord.

    On teleporting to the workhouse he and Margaret fuse his technical abilities with her forensic knowledge of worsted work to create a positronic spinning jenny, which while adhering to the Three Laws of Robotics as far as humans are concerned, has no such regard for the Tralfamadorians. It spins a vortex in the space-time continuum which sucks them into the Void, along with the planning permission for the inter-galactic bypass, which annoys the Vogons but can't be helped.

    Margaret and John live happily ever after, as do the factory workers once they realise that they canot do anything about their lot. (So it goes - a final legacy from the Tralfamadorians...)

    Workhouse Five becomes a place of pilgrimage for teenage boys and beat generation writers.

  17. Mrs A - do I detect a slight hangover from Saturday evening's DT fest?

  18. Tamera - colliding with a lamp post?? That makes me LOL! This side of you is very interesting please tell us some more!

    Hmm.. PB.. yes it does sounds a little like an Elizabethan tragedy. Although - obviously it is vastly superior.However, I feel it would also be a nice gesture to honour our predecessors by pulling out some eyeballs and perhaps adding a little stabbing in the back....

    Now this new novel Workhouse 5 Mrs A and PB..what a collaboration!! I fear it will go down in the annals of book history as... a complete load of utter tosh. Have you ever seen me write such gibberish? No!However, I have a gut feeling Workhouse 5 WILL get to no 1 in the best seller chart alongside such cultural greats such as The Undomesticated Goddess and The Devil Wears Prada (see my book review for further in depth analysis)

    Now Mrs A, for the sequel can we just concentrate on John Mills, Time Lord. Just how big is his tardis?

    Mrs M.. let's talk privately... Mrs A needs some help....

  19. John Mills?
    As in father of Hayley?
    You're interested in the size of HIS Tardis??

    Mts M - Two DTs on the screen at once! My cup was overflowething.

    (Did you cheer when K9 popped up?)

  20. Hello "Turls",
    The kids are transfixed temporarily by In The Night Garden so I thought I'd write.

    I think I may have found a way for you to get off chocolate.
    A TV cooking show here was reviewed by a Siobhan Duck!(nee
    A La Orange). The dessert was a chocolate ganache with - now prepare yourself - "a sliver of liver embedded in it"[!]

    So, in future when you're tucking into a turkish delight or a strawberry soft centre just think: "large glandular organ that secretes bile". While turning you a nice shade of brownish yellow (the colour of bile apparently) it should turn you off chocolate forever.
    p.s. And no cheating madam eg chewing on a Picnic while thinking: "large glandular organ that secretes..."

  21. Love it, Mrs A. and it's not tosh at all, Mrs T. How could you? However, your use of that expletive puts me in mind of Thomas & Friends, for some reason, and I'm wondering if Evil Diesel might not get a role in the story. Obviously, the Station Master is another Time Lord, but one who's embraced the dark side of the force ...

    Nup, I'll have to leave it there. Any more changes to Workhouse 5 will spoil it. I look forward to seeing it at No.1.

  22. That gives me an offaly good idea for my next batch of chocolates...

    Glad you think Workhouse 5 has the potential to go global. I have other homages lined up :

    Bleak House Five
    Cider House Five


    Five Little Houses on the Prairie.

  23. Crikey! I've come to this party a little late and most of the talk is way over my head - not watching Dr Who as I don't and not having read North and South ...

    All I can say is keep celebrity chefs at bay. They just raise expectations to, in my case, totally unrealistic levels. Hubby drools over pics. of food in the Waitrose Food magazine which he gets free and which he keeps leaving in places where he knows I'll see it. What am I to do?

  24. Mrs A... John Mills? Isn't he dead Mr A? What are you doing casting him as a hero? Workhouse 5 is not a B & W 1950s war film but modernist intergalatic regeneration epic of truly two dimensional proportions! I am truly not interested in Mr Mills tardis (either dead or alive) unless of course he regenerates into Richard Armitage in tight fitting leather pants.....

    Ah yes TWO Doctors and neither of them reading poetry at some godforsaken hour... poor, poor Mrs A!!!!!!

    I love K9 though..Oh to have such a useful dog that might be possible of remotely controlling the temperature of my oven. However, I am slightly disturbed by his voice though.. sort of makes me want to get that mallet out that I use for softening tough old steak..

  25. Andrew! Welcome back my Aussie friend! How's the pinny?

    Well that sounds disusting; obviously chocolates made specifically for the likes of Hannibal Lector. Yuck! It also reminds me of Paul Mckennas weight loss book based on hypnosis etc...The idea is you imagine the chocolate as writing maggots or something equally disgusting, therefore curing you for life for the unhealthy desire for chocolate.

    Now let me tell you about this method...


    Nothing can cure Mrs T from her chocolate desires.

    Hmmm... Andrew " A large glandular Organ that secretes" eh?

    Um...ah... No comment...but I'm off to my secret choccy drawer....

  26. I hesitate to point it out...well OK I don't hesitate...YOU were the one that started up about John Mills. I was talking about (ruggedly handsome) mill OWNER John Thornton.

    Gaah. You haven't actually started N&S yet have you? Still it won't hamper our progress at the book club. Had anyone actually read last month's book?

    And you needn't try to torture me with my inability to get DT to read poetry to me...One day he will be mine!

  27. PB.... careful what you say in front of Mrs A! I know this woman and you do not want her head to become too big..for she already has the reputation for the most delicious chocolates in the whole of England! You must not fall prey to her cunning ways or soon she will have you eating out of her palm and bowing to her intellectual superiority.. Stand firm PB! Stand firm! Be like Mrs T PB, stay resolute and determined.. or you will forever be trapped as one of the evil and conniving Mrs A's minor minions!!

    Ah 'tis time for the school run.. I must return later...

  28. Congratulations on your new role with Blog Catalog, Mrs. T! Let us all know how that is going!

    When I have time, I shall check it out. Sorry for not responding sooner - I was on a marvelous vacation visiting my parents back in Los Angeles.

    So you enjoy Hiphop dancing? I totally recommend you check out "America's Best Dance Crew" - go ahead and google it. MTV has this amazing show where the best dance crews compete with a variety of challenges that makes the audience go ballistic. My wife and I enjoy it very much. We also enjoy "So You Think You Can Dance?" - a bit more mild, but it does cover all types of ballroom dancing if that tickles your fancy.

    Well, I hope you and the T family are doing well. God bless!

  29. Ah where was I? Ah yes PB... I am liking the idea of The Evil Diesel embracing The Dark Side...I can definately feel a story coming on!!
    (Oh, if you have few minutes I think you might enjoy one or two of my very dubious football reports!)

    Mrs A... NO, NO, NO Mrs T does not want offally good chocolates! She just wants CHOCOLATES,pure and simple (or with alcohol, fruit and nuts) but definately NOT offal!

    Ah yes,"John Mills".. Mrs T has thinking too much about rich dark chocolates and has boobed! Obviously, it was the name "Thornton" which distracted me! A classic name for a sensuous hero I feel. "John" is a tad boring though...perhaps you could rewrite to Count Peregrine De Montfort Thornton, self made milionaire.... (Those Mils and Boons are really beginning to have an effect...)

    Yes, I doubt whether I have finished N & S or not will be of any consequence at The Book Club ! But perhaps I will manage a few more pages..although I think I already have a good feel for it!

    Stephen Fry? Ah yes ... but I feel it was not as everyone expected...

    Ha, ha, ha Mrs A... DT is as likely to succumb to your charms as Pierce Brosnan is to mine! Ah well, time to get out the hallucinatory drugs.

    Mrs B; If Mr B is behaving in such a fashion may I recommend a double barrell shotgun? It will be a quick and easy death. Mr T has long since realised that such wishful thinking is not allowed in our house or he must suffer serious consequences. The mere sight of me reaching to my violin case is enough to silence him...

  30. Hello Mewie!

    I hope you had a lovely family break in LA. We do not have enough of these times; sadly life revolves too much around work.

    I will definately check out America's Best Dance Crew! I'm afraid for my age I still like a little bit of funky stuff! It's shocking I know, especially the glitter boob tube and lycra pants but you know it's what inside that counts..

    The Turley Tribe are all well although the school holidays are approaching - which means I must increase my intake of sedatives. Fortunately, they come free with the strait jacket.

  31. Who is this miserable sounding prig full of "intellectual superiority" ? Hmmm. Hope it's not me...

    But I think some North and South chocolates could be a workable idea! (Goes off to examine liqueur collection.)

  32. Mrs A; a miserable sounding prig??Of course not! Mrs T would never cast such aspersions on Mrs A for she knows the full wrath of Mrs A's Dark Side....

    And also Mrs T wants Mrs A's chocolates........ she would never, ever jeopardize her position as official taster to Her Royal Supremeness Intellectually Superior Mistress of all things choclatey.....


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