Tuesday, July 7, 2015

What the hell is going on at The Guardian?

For the benefit of you folks abroad, I must first explain that The Guardian is meant to be a bastion of British newspaper intellectual reading. However, of late, I've had some weird clickbait stuff feeding into my Facebook stream which has caused me to react rather like this:

"What the heck? Did I click on The Daily Mail in error? Oh crap. I didn't. It is The Guardian."

"No really? Another article on feminism?"

"Hmm. What? Another article on Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear? "

"Okay. This definitely looks like a clickbait article. Let me see...uh-huh...okay...so sexual deviancy in feminists is fashionable. Hmm...where's that link to The Daily Mail?"

"Hmm. What another article on Tim Hunt? Leave the man alone, he's a nobel prize winner. He made a poor joke - he didn't massacre innocent babies! I'm going to stick my head in a bowl of sand in a minute. But first, I'll have a quick look at the culture section..."

"Oh God. Not another article by Matt Haig on depression. Yes, yes I know it's good to have these things out in the open but, come on, some of us authors are trying to be upbeat about not selling like E L James. We don't need kicking when we're down!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... another and another article about Fifty Shades. Noooooooooooo!"

Okay so you get my drift?

So you see all that repetitive stuff at The Guardian has been getting on my nerves. However, none of those articles, which even if a bit repetitive are generally well written with an informative or intellectual stance, can compare to THIS article I read a couple of days ago. I suggest you pop over and read it.

Done yet?

Wake up now.

I said WAKE UP.

Yep, it's official. That article is the dullest article in the history of British newspapers. Basically, to sum up - a woman loses a ring, finds it, loses it again and then finds it.

That's the sort of ludicrous crap you read on my blog. (But hopefully a tad more entertaining.)

Anyway, I hereby crown the author of the piece with my newly created Mrs Turley Awards for Writing as the winner in the "Dullest Writer of the Decade" category.

Let's pray to God (and to Buddha, Zeus, Jehovah, John Lennon and Kevin Pietersen) that Mr Turpin never writes a work of fiction. 

To think Tolkien wrote 4 epic awe-inspiring books about a lost ring. Obviously, Mr Turpin didn't take any influence from Tolkien. I'm not sure where Mr Turpin might have taken his influence from - maybe he was just sitting on the bog and couldn't think of anything but shit? So that was all that came out?

Okay, I'd better drop this subject now or people will think I am a meanie.

However, I will be back tomorrow with a list of all the things I have lost. It may be a substansial list.

Correction. It will be a substantial list.

The editorial team asleep at The Guardian.  It took me a while but I finally figured out how Mr Turpin got his article printed - he must have gone for an job interview and was asked to read a piece of his work. The editorial team duly fell asleep when they heard the ring story and Mr Turpin dashed in and uploaded it to the website whilst the rest of the staff were watching Wimbledon. It was, of course, a bit daring of Mr Turpin to come up with something as devious as that, but then again, it's a lot quicker than writing a sequel to The Lord of the Rings.


2 comments:

  1. They clearly haven't heard of St. Antony. He's the Saint you should pray to if you've lost something. There was no mention of that so as heathens they deserve all they get.....hmm wonder if St. Antony can help me find my hubby's car key? I won't bore you with the details, I might find myself the subject of one of your posts ;)

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    Replies
    1. It's a daft article isn' it, Wendy? We all lose stuff all the time! I keep wondering how such a mundane article got in TG......

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