School Holidays 2 and the London Book Fair

Mrs T:   Master Jacob, would you please unload the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen whilst I'm out?

Master Jacob:   What is this? Nazis Germany?

Where have I gone wrong, readers? Where?

On another matter entirely, I have a ticket to go to the London Book Fair and if I feel it's safe to leave the Young Masters with an unstacked dishwasher I may leave them to their own devices. I may not have a home to come back to but it may be a risk worth taking.

Now I have decided that, if I get off my sorry arse, and go to the Book Fair later today I shall keep my eye out for:

1) A healthy young male (heterosexual) literary agent, preferably under 35, with a sense of humour. It would also be an advantage if he did not wear a chequered waistcoat.

Okay that's not going to happen.

2) A healthy young male (heterosexual) publisher, preferably under 35, with a sense of humour who does not wear a chequered waistcoat and glasses.

Hmm...even more unlikely.

3) A healthy young male (heterosexual) author, preferably under 35, with a sense of humour, who does not wear a waistcoat, glasses and who does not write science fiction.

Hmm....no *ucking chance.

Okay, I think I need to look for something more obtainable.

I know - I'll look for one of those stands where you get a free chocolate-chip cookie with the useless glossy magazine giveaway. Oh and the restroom.

The ultimate dilemma for any male literary agent. Which waistcoat?