Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Up Yours, Brussels (or Keep Your Hands off My Jars, Please)

Keep your hands off our jars, Mr Brussels,
We will do with them whatever we please
We will fill them with strawberries
Or lush green peas
But we will do with them whatever we darn well please

Keep your hands of our jam, Mr EU
We will do with it whatever we want
We will sell it from wheelchairs
Or village school fairs
But we will do with it whatever we darn well please

Keep your hand off our traditions, Mr Bossy
We will do with them whatever we please
We don't need your guidance
Or your ridiculous licence
And we will do whatever we darn well please

Keep out of our affairs, Mr Despot
We will act however we want
We will make jam for our teas
And our sweet pastries
AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

Keep away from our isles, Mr Dictator
We will rule as we darn well please
We will make Cheddar Cheese
And tasty Cornish Pasties
AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

So there is nothing left to say, Mr Idiot
But please, please, please go away
Our preference is for farce
But we might yet kick you up the arse
AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

Written by Jane in a moment of outrage at the EU directive that we should not reuse jars for home-made jam which might be consumed by the public.

The first and only time I've made jam. However, I have my principles and if I want to inflict future batches on the school fair, the church  fete or indeed the canteen in the houses of parliament I will would like to do so without the threat of litigation. On behalf  all  ladies in the UK who have made jam in recycled glass jars for generations I say this to Brussels : Up Yours! 







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