9.59pm. Two hours and one minute before the A to Z deadline - Mrs T wanders into the lounge where Master Benedict is relaxing with his feet up watching the telly and drinking a glass of orange.
Mrs T: What subject beginning with the letter L should I write about for the A to Z?
Master Benedict (instant reply) Laxatives.
Mrs T: Laxatives?
Master Benedict: What is "laxative" not good enough for you?
Mrs T: No. Laxatives will do just fine.
You see folks, that is what my life is like as the mother of three boys who lives in a house with four males. If I am not being subjected to rude jokes and the regular breaking of wind, I am subjected to conversations that seem always to revolve around bowel movements. Oh, how I long for some sophisticated conversation about what's on the West End or the latest bestselling books! Sadly, that just does not happen in my house. I am the solitary female and must suffer the consequences.
So laxatives it is.
At present, I am not aware that any of the males in my house need laxatives. And I pray to God that they never do because cleaning my bathroom is already a punishment worse than death. It requires a decontamination suit, a Geiger counter and an extra large peg on the nose. I have seen things down our loos that, if I didn't know better, I would have thought were alien species. I have seen things down our loos that if Her Majesty's government knew about them they would be requisitioned and stored as weapons of mass destruction. I have seen things down our loos that make me wonder why it isn't men who give birth to babies.
I have seen things down our loos that no man, woman or child or even a Tory MP should see.
You know I look forward to the day when my kids leave home and I have my own spotlessly clean white bathroom so that when I sit down on my loo seat I can do what comes naturally without jumping up and shouting:
WHO PEED ALL OVER THE LOO SEAT?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ebook of Fantasia is Free on Kindle
My short story Fantasia is free to download as an ebook on Kindle for five days. Please feel free to share with friends and anyone who might...
-
Friends, Romans, Bloggers lend me your ears! ’Cos the Mad Housewife needs to change her blog name. I know, I know, I should have done my ho...
-
Hello Readers! Now Mrs T would like to introduce you a new website that has been developed by her friend and fellow blogger Master Sy of T...
-
Now Mrs T has a little announcement. Firstly, no, I’m not pregnant! In fact, I’d rather smear myself in lard and climb in the Lion’s den at...
LOL!! This is the best L post I have read all day!!
ReplyDeleteI am delighted you enjoyed it, Paula!:)
DeleteGod bless you!
ReplyDeleteRevisit the Tender Years with me during the #AtoZChallenge at Life & Faith in Caneyhead!
Very funny, I especially related to the last line. The alternative is sitting down and the lid is up and you feel like you are falling in.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from A to Z.
Those falling-in moments are rare for me, Ann. I've had a couple and they were not great experiences. Still, on the bright side at least I didn't get stuck and have to be hoisted out by the fire brigade:D
DeleteUmm having nagged like mad to get the seat put down I've had the misfortune to sit on a loo in the dark and not realise I was sitting on the lid - until it was too late. And after 3 children trying to stop the flow once it's started - not going to happen! We also have an extended family whatsapp group - some of the younger family members have very young children. I've seen pictures that I never should have seen on the poo subject.
ReplyDeleteI know that flow problem, Wendy. Those children owes us medical care in our old age!
Delete