So the Wacky Races begin! Let the best team win!
So the contenders will be slogging it out for the title for World's Wackiest Bullshitters... Oh and the governing party as well - lets not forget that! Over the next few weeks I'll be featuring some of the more pronounced candidates and/or supporters of the major parties taking part in the Wacky Races.
So who do we have up first as Rock Slag and Gravel Slag as the Slag Brothers in Bouldermobile 1?
Why, none other than the delightful John "Two Jags/ Two Shags/ Two Shacks" Prescott (select your preferred choice) and his son, David Prescott, who will be touring marginal constituencies in the Prescott Express Battle Bus. (Seriously - that's what Johnnie boy calls it!) Here, take a look;
Wow, I just love Prescott's charm. The way he quips "Let's stuff those Tories again for the fourth time" really ticks all my boxes. Such eloquence! Such charisma! Just as well his website Go Fourth (engineered by Alistair Campbell, the former Blair and New Labour spin doctor) seems to be aimed at Labour loyalists because an educated middle class floating voting voter like moi may not fall for that kind of smooth sophisticated talk; to be honest I'm used to something a little more forthright.
Now the news is that Mr Prescott isn't standing again at the election and neither is his son who has failed to be selected as Labour candidate for for his father's constituency Hull East and Weaver Vale in Cheshire. However, Young David is joining his dad on the Battle Bus so watch out for some colourful tales in the British press regarding the Slag Brothers in their Boulder Bus. Now I like to be even-handed; so to be fair rumour has it that Old Prescott did some good work on the Kyoto Agreement (which Mrs T is all in favour of as you well know) and Old Prescott has given me a few laughs over the years so I'll be saddened (for at least 30 seconds) when parliament is dissolved and we wave goodbye to Prescott's glorious career.
Now to enter into the true spirit of election fever I think we should have a quiz! Okay so I'll gave a number of potential faux pas that Old Prescott may or may not have committed and you readers can guess which ones are true!
Here we go:
1. Whilst Secretary of State for the Environment, Transport and The Regions (1997 - 2001) Prescott was quoted as saying;
"I will have failed if in five years time there are not...far fewer journeys by car. It's a tall order but I urge you to hold me to it."
( Hmm... I think Prescott was actually trying to get a McDonalds built in Hull East but failed - therefore increasing the amount of traffic at the Hull West Drive Thru.)
Anyway, don't let me put you off picking the genuine Prescott Faux pas! So, is this story True or False?
2. In the current election campaign Prescott urged Labour supporters on his Twitter account to click on a conservative advertisement for which the conservatives are paying 50p per click to their advertisers. (Hmm....that sounds totally unscrupulous!) But is it True or False?
3. In the 2001 Election campaign Prescott was hit by an egg; he punched his assailant on the jaw. ( Oh come on - a Member of Parliament who punches a member of the public?!) True or False?
4.In 2006, Prescott apologised after it was revealed that the council tax for a government flat he occupied was paid for using public money, rather than his own private income. He repaid £3,830.52. (Over nearly nine years - hmm - I want a credit agreement like that!) True or False?
5. During the 2009 Expenses scandal it was revealed that tubby Prescott had claimed the full amount of £4,800 for food (no surprise there), £312 for mock Tudor beams fitted to his home, and the cost of fitting/repairing two toilet seats. ( Possibly due to heavy wear and tear.) True or False?
6. In 1999 an official chauffeur driven car was used to drive Mr and Mrs Prescott 250 yards to the Labour Party Conference. Prescott claimed it was because his wife didn't like her hair being "blown about" (or it could have been because he didn't fancy the strenuous walk - he'd just spent the last of his food allowance) True or False?
Hmm... I think that's enough to tax you readers this time! So, think carefully which one(s) are the genuine political boo boos???
Yes...... yes...... You're right! They all are! What a clever readers you are!!! Okay, so they'll be more from The Wacky Races shortly. In the meantime, you know what I'm going to leave you with don't you? Just think "Mrs T" when you watch......